Ugly And A Loser

Hey.  I've been struggling with my weight since Jr. High and had a serious eating disorder when I was in High School.  I still really hate my body and can point out all the places where the fatty blubber is although I do eat fairly healthy and spend an hour on the treadmill five times per week (600+ calories).   I do not wear shorts or bathing suits because I think I look horrible in them and refuse to get my picture taken for the same reason.  I  prefer loose to tight clothes to hide my numerous flaws and the fact that I am an ugly fatty.  I refuse to go to the doctor's office because I cannot stand scales.  

As for guys, the fact that I cannot get a non-loser guy sort cements my status as ugly and undesirable.  While people are going out with really nice guys, I am getting the losers who cannot even be bothered to finish college on my match.com profile.  Of course, I ignore these losers because I don't really want to be supporting a guy who cannot even finish college, but it sort of cements my status as a loser.  I am apparently so hideous that normal guys (with jobs and college degrees) won't even contact me.  

As for my career, sadly I'm such a loser that I was unable to get into my first choice MBA program, Northwestern.  I had the GMATs and grades, so I'm sure my job had something to do with it.  I was basically one small step up from filing papers and doing other administrative crap although it was supposedly a "real position."  As a result, I could only get into a crappy second tier MBA program (UIUC) and I have hated every minute of it.  The program is apparently so dissed that I cannot even get a "real" job with a competitor to my company.  Hello making copies and answering phones, except with more debt.  :(

I hate myself.  I hate my life.  I am apparently a loser who will end up one of those incredibly fat people who are found dead in their apartments or something as people could care less about me.  It upsets me when I see bimbos with no academic qualifications get into the graduate programs and get the jobs that I want.  Heck there's lots of blonde that get into Northwestern.  I'm not sure how they are doing it unless they are really good at sex.
kg1982 kg1982
26-30, F
1 Response Jul 17, 2010

Umm... Well gee, there are a lot of people out there who seem to think that I am a loser. Heck, I cannot even get the job that I want or into the grad school I want to because Northwestern thinks I'm a loser. And the guys I get are either Jesus freaks or losers. So gee.. when people see you as a loser it is really easy to latch onto that.