i hate my habbits And I Hate It But I Never Change them

when i was 12 i began to start cutting myslef and using drugs. i also lost my virginity at a party while i was intoxicated since than its been 2 years and i have now slept with 23 guys i hate myself for doing that to my body but i still have sex.. this year during spring break i tried to commit suicide by swallowing 70 pills of a mixture of drugs. I denied that i was trying to and told them "i just didnt want to feel i wasnt trying to kill myslef" I constantly think about that moment all the time. I hate who i am and my past constantly haunts me all the time. I am sick of myself and the fact ive been with so many guys i feel horrible all the time i dont know what to do to get rid of this feeling anymore. I hate that everyone in my school judges me on my past. I hate that the only reasons most guys like me is because they think i will sleep with them. I hate that i cant tell anyone everything that im ashamed of. i wish i could fix all the friendships i have ruined and say sorry to anyone ive ever hurt in any way. And i wish i wouldve never lost my virginity. ive been going to therapy for 2 years now and it dosent help.... i truly hate myslef, mylife, and how i feel.
youDontKnowThisFeeling youDontKnowThisFeeling
13-15
Jul 27, 2010