I Feel Lost In Life

Now before anyone goes right ahead and tell me to pray I have to say one thing. I'm agnostic which pretty much means I'm split in the middle of weather or not a God exists. However that is not my problem.
I'm 17 and already am feeling major depression. I feel like that I can't get anywhere with my life. My so called friends don't even want me in their group and they leave me out of their activities most of the time. My parents are always at work and sometimes they don't understand the feelings I have. I'm not doing good in school and my parents are disappointed in me. I know that they want a better son. The only thing I'm good at is making videos and I need my so called friends to help me. Of course none of them help. I've always tried the best of my ability to help each of my friends but nothing is returned. I feel betrayed. Just yesterday I convinced my parents to take one of my friends to a place called Cj Barrymores, it is sort of like a mix between an amusement park and a fair. My parents pretty much covered for everything and we treated him out for dinner. Today he decides to ditch me and gather a huge group on xbox and no one bothers to get me. I know it is just xbox but it is sort of like a hang out, and I was the only one who was left out. Finally I couldn't take it anymore. I logged on and I joined their party, they were all in game chat but the xbox displays everything (friends who log on, friends who join party, etc) I was there waiting for someone to talk to me, waiting for a game invite for almost a half hour, nothing happened. Its not just in the virtual world that I feel rejected, I also feel the same way socially overall. In school I feel like nobody cares about me. Nobody listens to what I have to say. All I want is some attention. All those little things build up and I'm starting to feel depressed. Every time I feel rejected I turn to something I'm good at, but their isn't anything except video making. So I turn to that but my damn friends won't help me make the videos. Then I realize that I really have nobody. My parents always tell me not to give up, but how can I keep going if everything is against me. I'm not naive I know we live in a world where the economy globally is not good. The chances of me becoming something to do with video making (director, actor, editor, etc) are extremely low. So I figured that I have to make a name for myself and start making better quality videos. I had this great idea but I needed support from friends to do it. Turned out that I had to give up that idea because none of my friends wanted to do it. One even straight up told me "it wasn't fun". I seriously question his logic in that because how can you not think its fun when you can make a something thats good in quality. So I came up with a idea involving comedy and improv hoping it was "fun" enough for my friend. Apparently it still wasn't. Every time when I feel like the only thing I'm good at (video making) is being taken away from me I think that their is still hope because I can find an alternative for the future. But then I look at my grades and I feel like I have no hope. I'm also not good in sports either so that option is in the garbage. As if things weren't bad enough, my parents keep telling me that if I don't get the grades up I won't have a good future and I will end up like them. They run a restaurant that barely gets business, so they're the only ones working. They work six days a week, 9-10 hours each day. And that is all the work too. I really don't want to end up like them or worse which is why I keep thinking about these things. Every time I think, I feel like I have nothing. No support from my friends, being left out, the only thing I'm good in is slipping away from me, low self esteem, low grades, not athletic, etc. I feel depressed. I try to think positive but every time I try to think of something that I have, I realize that I don't have that. Then I move on to the next thing and the same thing happens. For example. I want a good future but I don't have the grades to back to get me there. Then I think "O but I can find an alternative to get there which is something I'm good at". Which is video making, but then I realize that obviously I need my friends to help me make the videos because that is my style of videos that I make. Unfortunately my so called friends don't want to. Then I think that "O but I can still hang out with them and feel fun", but then i get rejected. You see it doesn't matter what I turn to, I don't have it then I move on to the next thing and I realize I don't have that either. I'm not materialistic because I don't find it that demanding to just have a couple of things..
1.Realiable friends who support you and actually care about you
2.Some attention/respect from my peers

And that is it. Those things will change my life for the better. Then I can start feeling positive and doing better in school again. But its not going to happen.

Sometimes I feel suicidal, I won't lie. The only thing keeping me together is my family even though they aren't as supportive as they should be. 
I really don't know what to do anymore. I can't live on like this. I don't expect any help but it does feel a little better to let it all out.
I thank anyone who actually read all of that. I appreciate it.
Kevnay Kevnay
18-21, M
3 Responses Aug 3, 2010

Hi Kevnay. I think you have your answer in the first sentence. Listen, God put you on this earth for a specific purpose that only you can fulfill. He waits for you to choose him. All you have to do is invite Jesus into your life. See, the devil is real too and he does not want you to be happy or to fulfill your purpose on this earth. I suggest that you watch Joyce Meyer, The battlefield of the mind is a good one. She is on Youtube, I love her! Please do not give up! What do you have to lose? I will pray for you right now. God Bless you.

Well, I'm 17 too just to start off, first i just wanna say you know what you shouldn't need anyone to help you through life, sometimes you gotta stick to things and do it all on your own. Look ur not going down a bad road and you shouldn't be depressed, Walt Disney didn't even finish high school and he was a billionaire! You can't revolve your life on what others do for you, screw them! never trust anyone or rely on others. They don't want to show you support or help you they aren't your friends. Plus one day when your making movies and rich their going to be like "man why didn't we ever help him?". My parents are never home either, and i don't have a job, i don't play sports, the only thing im good at is photography or science. My dads never been truly supportive, you know sometimes in life we have to turn the other shoulder and do things on our own. Just remember when your feeling depressed, there is someone else out there either having it so much worse, or feeling your pain. Don't let things get down on you so much find alternatives...I'm sorry for how you feel, i know idk you but i hate when things go down like that, its nice to hear what others say sometimes...even complete strangers..

Well, I'm 17 too just to start off, first i just wanna say you know what you shouldn't need anyone to help you through life, sometimes you gotta stick to things and do it all on your own. Look ur not going down a bad road and you shouldn't be depressed, Walt Disney didn't even finish high school and he was a billionaire! You can't revolve your life on what others do for you, screw them! never trust anyone or rely on others. They don't want to show you support or help you they aren't your friends. Plus one day when your making movies and rich their going to be like "man why didn't we ever help him?". My parents are never home either, and i don't have a job, i don't play sports, the only thing im good at is photography or science. My dads never been truly supportive, you know sometimes in life we have to turn the other shoulder and do things on our own. Just remember when your feeling depressed, there is someone else out there either having it so much worse, or feeling your pain. Don't let things get down on you so much find alternatives...I'm sorry for how you feel, i know idk you but i hate when things go down like that, its nice to hear what others say sometimes...even complete strangers..