Self Hate Growing Each Day Now

I can't believe I was so stupid trusting people and minding my own business. but everyone in my family set out to wreck my self confidence and life 10 years ago. I just don't understand what I did to derserve all the bullshit. I don't believe a student who is living there life and minding their own business studying at tafe and university deserve to be told by a inefficient therapist that they deserve kicks up the arse???none of it makes any sense. I didn't deserve kicks for anything. Tonya was the one lying about the tablets, tony was the one lying about the stabler, rose lied about just about everything and all others lived in such fake false arrogant worlds. david was so inlove with himself he couldn't get past his own ego, and - I just don't see how a young woman in her 20's needs kicks up the arse unless they are some drug pusher, yobbo, fraud bringing cops and bikes and drugs to the door- none of those things were me!!! never have been and never will be!!!! but all the same I have developed such self hate inside of me now I can't see a future - other than misery and pain. I can't see a happy day ahead in my life - its as good as it gets now!
I feel so stupid I trusted people with silly aspects of my life and they either lied or fabricated and heaps of backstabbing.

that is why I was bashed and raped I think they had a mis-perception of who I was and who I wanted to become. and they didn't like me having airs and graces going off to university and studying and wanting more out of my life.
too bad if they think I am a snob - I know I am not a snob, shy, nervous or un-informed -yes I'll go along with that but is that so bad?
they are not the worst attributes to have.??? I have had the misfortune of being surrounded by too many egoist and crazy people- crazy-makers. why god????

lilharajuku lilharajuku
36-40, F
Aug 5, 2010