Hating Myself

I hate myself so much. Even today when I woke up I thought "I am so bad" I'm really bad..the worst ever..
I can't do anything. Even though I know I have to and have no more time left I am still unable to do it.
My thoughts are so messed up. I still hope I will make it but deep inside I know i f***** that up again..
So I don't know what to do now..only one thing is crossing my mind.. I wish I could finally killl myself and don't worry anymore.
But eve n that I am unable to do..I'm a failure. I do everything at the last moment and can't change it no matter how much i try.
I won't finish my studies cause I have not much time left to give in my thesis which i haven't yet written and my mother will probably call me a failure and the worst again. And she is right..damn. Everytime, everyday when I wake up i think that i am so f****** bad..
I still get up everyday but what for? just to think i want to die already?
geez my dad is ******* me off..comming into my room even when i'm crying..(right now)
people are p****** me off..and i am p****** myself off..i would really be better off somewhere else cause nobody notice me anyway and don't care. It's just a torture to me being here.
lovelessbutterfly lovelessbutterfly
31-35, F
10 Responses Aug 8, 2010

Midnightsurfer, Tinatp taks wisely, you should read to her, and yeah, the best way to leave the dark hole in wich we are, is seeking for help, and when we are here, in a plce full of people like us, who understand us, and care about us without even knowing us, we are giving the first step =)

You are here for a reason. At least you have friends on here that care. Maybe you don't t realize this, but what if Clarence took you on a journey to your life. I guarantee you made some postives in this lifetime. That would change your mind too. Stay positive and you made the first attempt just by being on this website. There are people that don't even know you that care about you. Alot have it worse on here believe me.

well, there are people who can help you to do that, they can be called friends, most of us can't find them in real life, but we ahve them here, and not even friends, sometimes, jsut someone who just feels like you, and tell you that it's possible to keep going, even the fact to know you are not the only one with this kind of problems can help you, but remember, always you msut give the first step, search for someone to help you, search for help, and stop taking pitty on yourself, then you can continue, and seek for helpo and/or support =)

yep, but sometimes you see things from only ONE point of view, those times you need other people in order to be able to see things from a different point of view, not everything is bad, or good, just, we msut addapt dude ;)

i don't think there is a group like that. lol<br />
i want to be happy too but can't at that moment so i think worst things ever..

yeah, we all want to never have been born, but we are already here, and maybe, we should start seeing life as a gift instead of a punishment for something we didn't do ... that's what happy people says ...<br />
anyway, I join the gour "I want to not have been born" =(

Never been born works for me too

will be better or even worse..suicides are happening and people still wonder why..if they would just notice some signals those persons could still be alive.<br />
i'm sure there isn't your picture..lol. too many of us are failures or maybe we just feel like we are..<br />
i would gladly change places with a dying on some illness person who wants to live..they want to live but can't. and i want to die but can't.. i hate myself so much i even wish i was born dead from the start..

I'm like you too,i wait till the last moment to do something.I'm a bigger failure than you.I have tried to end it many times and yet i'm still here.I didnt even finish high school.Lookup the word failure and you'll see a pic of me.<br />
*hugs*

nice!, I'm not the only one who feels like that ... well, I mean, it is not nice, is sad, and yeah, when even your parents feel you are a filiure, it's hard to keep on, but don't worry, you are not alone, and, we are here not to serve other's purposes, but for our opwn, and we msut keep bearing things, and later, everything will be better =)