Useless Burden

Life sucks, always will. I've been told that I'm always being negative, but I prefer to call it realistic. I've actually tried to kill myself a few times, but my body is just too damn stubborn to die. My parents blow it off like nothing is happening, which is actually the only good thing in my life. At least they don't bother me.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. I'm a burden, a parasite, always taking, never giving. My family won't admit it, but it is true. I can' find work, I can't find love, I can't find anything, but I continue to eat, drink, and cost people money. I think every day, that everything I use could go to someone more deserving, but it never does. I was sitting in front of the TV the other day, and it all hit me (again). I'm useless. Anytime I try something, I mess it up. If someone else does it and messes up, it's fine. But me? The end of the world.

Not to mention the loneliness. No one in a 100 mile radius has anything in common with me, so I've been alone all my life. Sure, some people like what I write, some people enjoy my thoughts, but that's it. I'm still by myself, and I will be until the end. Of course, the hardest thing is to accept that I will be alone for the rest of my life, and even though I have, it still hurts. Now that I think about it, this may be the last thing I ever write. We'll see. After all, you can only survive so many attempts before one of them works, right?  
drastunir drastunir
18-21, M
5 Responses Aug 9, 2010

hello drastunir, i have good news for you, you are the reson that Your heavenly father sent Jesus, to pay for all your hurts and bad nature, he took it all away on the cross and he buried it, and he rose again with a new life for you, identify with him and you will become a new man , he thinks you are worth it all, he value you as a son of god its all provided already for you before you were born ,and now it has come to you, dare to believe and it wil made you freeeeee

You are not alone! There are others just like you. I can understand. I'm the same. If you ever need to talk I'm here. I mean it. Stay strong.

I feel the same. the world is an awful place no one would have to go trough this if ppl stopped breeding like bunnies

I emulate the feelings of others, I remember every stupid, embarrassing thing I've ever done, I feel guilty all the time, and I'm alone. It's all breaking me slowly. I've pulled out of it before, but sometimes, it is just easier to stop fighting and give in.

I feel exactly as you do, couldn't describe it better. I couldn't be more sympathetic with you. If I saw me walking down the street I would beat myself to death. Nice and slowly. I was bullied at school, used and abused, my boyfriends tore me apart, my own mother neglected me, my father went through a depression and my "friends" made me feel stupid in every possible way. For years. I found a job away from home but I'm losing it, all because of that. I'm too impulsive, too quick to blame myself, too anxious, too perfectionist, too ****. I've tried suicide once, but in a way I'm already dead. I haven't felt alive in many many years. I'm losing everything I've sacrificed so much for. All that ****, "first-are-the-others-and-then-us", I would kill whoever said that. I've given myself away so many times for the sake of others, and I was left in a world of ****. Somehow I can't help it. Not to mention the tons of guilt I have kept inside me. <br />
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PLEASE DON'T COMMIT SUICIDE. I understand you want to do it, I know exactly how you feel. I've given my reasons. What made you feel that way?