I Hate Myself So Much I Don't Know What To Do With Myself!!!!!!

I've hated myself for as long as I can remember, well as long as maybe since like 12 years old or so. I feel like I kind of liked my early childhood,
and wasn't as shy or self-loathing then, but from about junior high, I haven't been able to stand myself. I've always wished that I was someone else.
Even at a younger age, even before 12, I used to go to bed at night and wish that I would wake up in the morning with blue eyes and blond hair with nice thick bangs, like my little sister's. It just got worse as I entered adolescence and had a friend with great skin and great hair for those big feathered 80's hairdoos. I would lie in bed and cry about how I wished I was someone else. My father even came to my bedside once and asked, "well, if you wish you were someone else, who do you wish you were?" Without hesitation, my response was "Shannon", my friend with the great skin and thick feathered hair, who was also not shy with boys, didn't have ugly braces and had bigger boobs. This same friend told me once that I "had the kind of face that just didn't look right with makeup". This of course, crushed me, because all I wanted was to wear the same electric blue mascara and purple eyeliner that she wore and look good like her.
I really can't keep going because there is just too much. The short of it is that I started hating myself around adolescence, when I started actually noticing my appearance and I never stopped hating myself. It's just gotten worse as I got older and realized that I cannot change anything (well at least not without like tens of thousands of dollars), so I hated myself as a tween, teen, young adult and still now, so that is my story.
NeverBBetter NeverBBetter
36-40, F
5 Responses Feb 4, 2011

hello, i hated myself also, but i found that Jesus love me and he took away all my self hate and gave me love for others and myself, now iaccept my self and iam better for it. he is the answer you need

iam an indian boy i am in my teens and unlike my friends i look different i would sometimes look ugly but the next day i would look good at first this started driving me crazy until i started asking people to describe me that changed my life forever i now wear braces and i look pretty and had changed my hair style if u cant change ur looks just get praised by people for ur doings that helped earlier and dont just ever think to change like ur friend, in my view she is not the true beauty. she just looks good but ur inner beauty cant be matched by her. just enjoy the way u are and dont keep on looking at the mirror.

life sucks a lot, and be lucky you at least have a friend. But still, talk to her about this and if your uncomfortable confronting her then just figure out how to make yourself look pretty. I know the right thing to say is to be comfortable in your own skin (which is most definitely true) but there is no hurt attempting to look pretty. (Just don't go plastic). Read magazines, and try to find outfits that suit your body. Are you a curvy, straight, long legged short legged, try to find out. No one is ugly, its just how you present yourself. So be smart in your outfits, put on a smile and say I am hell a lot prettier than Shannon. Oh btw, if you really don't suit makeup, which i highly doubt. It just means you shouldn't wear crazy makeup like lady gaga. You can still wear electric blue eyeliner (which never goes wrong) just don't wear bold bright red lipstick with it. You are going to be lovely alright? Wish you the best

Sometimes these so-called "beautiful" women can be narcissistic as hell which is why they have slightly less attractive "girl friends" . That way they can scoop up all the attention. You are worthy of your own life adventure. It's a wonderful life and there is plenty to live for and you can be as selective as you like. Take no bullcrap from no one..love your self, and fall in love with life =)

So you hate yourself because of your appearance? There is nothing good in you? Nothing worth loving? What did your husband see when he asked you to marry him? And when he was faithful up until his affair? And when he desired to remain with you so much he told you something he knew could cost him you and your life with him and he never had to tell u in the first place. But,to continue your relationship properly he felt he had to.And also,u dont say if he continues to cheat,he may have stayed faithful since then,why? You desperately need private counselling.You are worthy of love and you need to find out why you hate yourself so much,and learn to like yourself.This energy and self hate will pass on to your children whether u realize it or not so as a good mother you must deal with it and right away. Best wishes to you and your family.