When Will It Ever End

I really don't even know where to begin.  First of all I hate myself and I have no idea why I feel this way.  I can't stand the sight of myself, I feel like I'm morbidly obese when actually I am of normal weight.  I can't stand my body but instead of doing something about it all I do is complain about it and focus on unhealthy ways of losing weight (fasting and laxative abuse).  I am in a relationship with an amazing guy and I am scared I am going to lose him because of my low self esteem.  I don't think I am good enough for him.  I feel my looks are way less than average even though I have been told I am attractive. I am always comparing myself to other girls adnd  I am extremeley jealous.  My boyfriend is just becoming aware of how severe my insecurities are.  It is like I want people to know I am insecure because I wouldn't want people to think someone as hideous as me would have any self confidence, I don't feel I deserve to feel confident, if that makes any sense.  I wish I had the guts to end my life because I hate it so much.  I am a wortless piece of **** and I deserve to die.  Am I crazy?  I want to be happy with myself, what should I do?
worthlessgem worthlessgem
3 Responses Jun 2, 2011

i find it easier to talk to a stranger than to talk to people i know about my low self esteem. i have been going to my universities councellor for 6 months now. it is very good. they helped me to understand myself better. why dont you call a helpline? how long have you been feeling like this? cause the longer its been going on the longer you may need to go to councelling. this is because once negative thinking starts infiltrating your mind it becomes harder to push away as it becomes a habit.

Thank you LS. All I want is to feel better about myself but it's so hard! Right now I have so much going on in my mind and I don't know what to do. I need help but I don't know where to get it. I thought it was a good idea to talk to my boyfriend but now I regret that, I don't want him to look at me different. I'm considering therapy. If you don't mind me asking, have you ever been? The thought of it scares me.

You aren't crazy a lot of people feel the way you do myself included. But I don't think you deserve to die or that you're a worthless piece of ****. Instead of looking at the negative things about yourself try looking at the postive things. I know that's easier said then done. I'm trying to do that to. But just try saying one thing you like about yourself everyday and build on that sonner or later you'll have way more positive things then negative things you think about yourself. It's hard work I know when you think nothing's good about yourself but just it anyway. If you want you can talk to me whenever you'd like.<br />
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Take Care <br />
Lifeless Star