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Being A Girl...

One question I always asked myself from childhood "Is it my fault I'm a girl, if yes, but why?"

My grand parents expected a baby boy, as the second child in our family. But I was a baby girl born to my parents. They didnt like me,nor loved me I guess. They didnt like to celebrate my birthday and they never gave me any gift in my lifetime, neither cared whether I lived or I was dead. They are not alive,but still I could not forget why they never cared for me...

At school like all other children, I too wished that my grand parents would love me,give me presents, play with me....but oneday Mum told me,they didnt like the fact that I was a girl child. But at that age, I couldnot understand what that really meant.

Being an adult, whenever I saw children playing with their grand parents and enjoying, I just thought how lucky they were...
One of my neighbour used to play with his grand daughter everyday, and take her on evening walk and sometimes as I watched them so happy I just wished I could be so lucky..
I have never questioned my parents, why they did not like me being girl and how was I so different...But somehow hated myself for being unlucky.
papri papri 26-30, F 19 Responses Aug 4, 2011

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I sincerely hope your feelings about yourself have changed in the time that has passed since writing this, Papri. Please tell me that they have.

I am so sorry that because of cultural influence you had a childhood deprived of love and affection.But it must also be realised that life sadly gave you unloving parents,who more or less punished you for not being a boy.You are not at fault,they are,you were just as lovable and loving as any other child.You should not be the one who should feel shame for not being what they wanted you to be,they are the one who should feel shameful.My parents also wanted a boy,had already chosen a boy's name before I was born and were taken aback at my birth not knowing what to call me.I was given a name at random which I am not using now because it brings back too may sad memories.I too believed for a very long time that I was not lovable and not deserving of love and the best life had to offer and that was a big lie.You are just as lovable as the next child,even more so,you were just unlucky with your uncaring family.Take care.

Although loved by my grandmother and Mom, my father let us (3 daughters) know that he was "put out" that we were females. It " wrecked " his life. He couldn't figure out why we didn't give him grandchildren. I have yet to shed a tear over his death.

Being a girl is nt being unlucky, rather the home where a daughter is born is a blessed one, I think. I take pity on those who consider daughter a curse. In fact, wt a daughter can do for her family, a son cant, though exceptions r everywhere. I myself m father of a daughter and after her birth, I did nt plan fr second child, though I have been advised to try for a son. Bt I m nt interested in son. Today she is five years of age. In my view, a daughter is a unique boon of Almighty to us.

In my view, (though I may b wrong) in our ancient culture, i.e. to say during Vedic period, it was nt so. At that time, birth of daughter was nt considered bad, rather girls were given equal love, affection and respect in our society. There r lots of example in our scriptures. The condition changed only after arrival of Yavans in our cntry i.e. around 726 AD, who only used to see females an instrument to satisfy their lust and nothing else. They were barbarous enough that where ever they used to see any young girl, they used to kidnap her for their lust. Due to this, our Indian parents started to pray that dtrs may nt tk birth in their homes. Later on, with passage of time, this mentality cemented and birth of dtr was seen as curse.
Though now situation has changed to sm extent bt still its nt that hopeful. :-) I think my sermon has bcm somewt long.

So plz dont hate urself. U r a pious creature of Almighty like any other girl. May God bless u with evry happiness and joy in ur life!

Thanks Ms Mejj for liking my petty comment

ahh comeon its ok
they dint had the privilege to hav the luv of their luvely grandchild
:D
just try thinking the oppsite way
there are ppl with some very crazy grandparents
;)
u r lucky aint u
? :D

No,my circumstances and events in my life does not say I am a lucky person and I do not think or feel I am lucky.

dont be sad
u will be fine
cheerup!!!!!!!
so past is past
u will surely hav a luvely future

I've been through a similar problem, though it wasn't as big for me as it is for you. But we women need to stop feeling sorry for ourselves and realise that we are FABULOUS. It is the society who's stupid and prejudiced, and can't accept the fact that they would be nowhere if it wasn't for us women. Times have changed and will keep on changing, and I know it for a fact that one day surely we'll be appreciated and given our due.

your story was really sad... i can understand your situation.....but please dont think that it is your fault........


whenever ... wherever you will see around you....you will find the girs are more acive than we dumb boys hahhaha lol...specially in my country (india)

dont forget one thing

girls are mother...and mother is every thing for the world.....you should be proud that you are a girl.........

ahh i meant active....i missed t there ...see as i told...boys are dumb..;) :P

But how can you hate yourself when nothing is your fault.

Your not unlucky, but they are unlucky( parents) >simply because they will never know how much they are loosing each day. I always wanted a girl if i ever have kids, i would spend lots of time with her. i would take her shopping and spoil her rotten. You will find what your missing when you have your own kids, because giving is always sweeter than receiving. i hope it helps...

So sad to read, and very wakening for us who live in ignorance. I read somewhere that the female gender was not valued as much as the male in India. I cannot see reason in bigoted traditions, nor sense in any form of degradation. Why does it continue, no winners, only losers. The female loses self esteem and purpose, the practitioner loses the love of a truly loving child. Fortune may see the practice die, but until it does please believe that it is not common, carry on with the gifts you bring through being you a delightful WOMAN.

when we have any kind of shortcoming in one side of life .its compenstion takes place at another side of life of us and that every barren place has msg of used fertility and its own selflessness every devastated place has some kind of jewel hidden in it.so no need to aspire for those things that were not yours .try to see and praise what you have what are actually given to us bcz we are worthy of us.and that who have not played with you in childhood have lost their beautiful moment of enjoying innocence of child that you were having at that time.you have not done anything wrong so why to feel those regrets that should be someone else' heart.<br />
sunshines!

I realize that you take the well meant words of encouragement given here, as intended, even though they don't help much. When you were supposed to be the other gender according to parents and others, it is more difficult than most would suppose. So, you have to make up for what they failed to do. You must, for your own sake, and the sake fo those who will love you so deeply in this life, decide to create the life you want from here and make the rest of your life what you want it to be. <br />
<br />
I do wonder if there is not more than gender involved in what has happened to you. Perhaps mom was not always what she was supposed to be as a wife and you have a father who was not your dad. There are many reasons why a child is mistreated by adults with poorly developed souls. If you were conceived as a result of a secret affair, it is not about you, but about mom. Perhaps what you thought was gender rejection was really paternity rejection. Just a thought.<br />
<br />
I don't know much about your situation in life or your circumstances financially, but I can tell you that finding the right professional could help a lot. The right professional can be hard to find, but worth it. I am one who thinks hypnosis could help if you went to a wise and skilled hypnotist.

The only fault in your story lies with your grandparents.<br />
<br />
If they cannot accept you for who you are then they are idiots.<br />
<br />
It may be a cultural thing as some cultures put a higher value on boys over girls but even then those were attitudes born in a less enlightened time and have no place in the modern world.<br />
<br />
Please do not blame yourself for something that was not under your control but also do not hate your grandparents but pity them for all the things they've missed out on by them sticking with their outdated prejudice when they could've been making wonderful memories with you.

Never ever ask this question to anybody please ; even to yourself too. Remember and understand - AND make others to understand that - a 'BOY' can not born if a 'GIRL' is not born. Question of 'fault' therefore can not arise. Hate them, who hates a Girl.

Your grandparents were some of those "hurt people... who.. hurt people" it sounds like more damaged than most. I am glad your parents werent like that. When my second daughter was born my husband's fanily wanted a boy. There were already three girl grandchildren. My husband's father really wanted a name sake. he walked in the hospital room and said'"Another girl," then he barely looked at her and walked back out. it had nothing to do with the worth of my daughter. He was an ***! I had wanted another daughter to be a sister for my first daughter and a joy to me. I did give birth to hisw only grandsons! I had twin boys the next preganancy. he had been dead for a year. he never lived to see his name sake legacy. Perhaps he forfietd the right.

Thank you for commenting..

Hugs and prayers

Thank you..

i was hated for being a boy and my twin was born dead and twin was a girl so it was my fault

It was definitely not your fault. I amsorry that happened i cant imagine. I have twins and one almost died at three months I never would have blamed the other. They are so close. We should not be judged for which gender we are born into.

Society society society.<br />
I dont understand- they dont give a s*** whether u r happy or not!<br />
Y do u care ? <br />
"Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done. Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you are because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that!"-

Why is it always the children who feel guilty about the lack of love in which adults show?<br />
You do not have to feel guilty, you are not responsible for this situation.<br />
Your grandparents were probably decent people but the fact that they do not ever accept You as girl is like a crime against filial love.<br />
The role of the family is to do everything to make a child happy and balanced.<br />
You are now in a spiral of mental self-guilt that plagues your life.<br />
Be stronger now. Forget pains and live with your children present or future in the knowledge of a perfect love. Be happy with yourself and for Your children!

Hey be proud to be a girl! They are really numb to the society if they consider a girl to be useless! A girl bears pain,take up all responsibilities, hide her tears just to see others smile,sacrifice a lot, a girl can do everything.Above all,a girl can give birth whch a male cannot!