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Better Off Dead.

my name is michelle, i am a 14 year old girl and i absolutely hate myself. My father left us when i was about 1...and i don't think i have ever seen my mother sober...i am 5'10 and weigh (a lot -__-). i am constantly made fun of at school...but its worse at home...my mother is always threatening me saying how she wants me dead..telling me I'm worthless....saying I'm stupid ugly and fat...im almost 15 and i have never had a boyfriend...i don't even think i will...i look like how i do in my profile picture...nobody would want a thing like me...
deleted deleted 26-30 16 Responses Aug 20, 2011

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Today you are you ,that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you and trust yourself you will know how to live.If you cant get a compliment any other way pay yourself one.

hey, you are not stupid (if you were your posting on here would be worded weird), and you are not fat or ugly. if you were 18 i'd ask you out in a heartbeat. you are quite beautiful and i'm sure you will get a boyfriend (and if you happen to be single when you're 18 i'll take you out).

all is well. you must know that you were born into this world a teacher of unconditional love. you knew of nothing that was "wrong" of you, you knew you were perfection because you loved and viewed this world with wonder. <br />
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learning from others, you have adapted other people's perception, and this convinced you that you were not unconditional love. in order to understand more, you allowed ego to exist. Ego is feeling better or lesser then someone else and or yourself in the slightest degree. ego creates fear, ego, creates you as a seperate being then love... this allows confusion. <br />
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so you must understand in order to find love in yourself is to know that you are already love. in the eyes of love, you will see love everywhere in yourself and you will not allow people to taint your perception of you. <br />
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beautiful is a state of character, not physical attributes. you must allow yourself to accept that you are beautiful. who makes what beautiful and whats ugly? the eyes of the beholder. <br />
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so don't allow yourself to give into illusion, or you will live in the illusion and never find peace. <br />
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you have a heart and you can make a difference if you truly believe you are love and love without limits for yourself and others. <br />
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suggestions.... go on a vegan diet for one month... just try it.. no meat or dairy... you will loose weight. also, every morning, get up, sit up for ten minutes... and visualize what you want in life and visualize that you already have it. if you visualize yourself being skinny to look more pretty without loving yourself first, you will not get skinny. if you visualize being skinny with love to become healthy and because you simply can, you will. <br />
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living does not mean your alive... to be alive is to be unconditional and to create. you were born to create... what are you creating now to help the situation. being dead does not solve the problem for you limit life and creation and you will never know of your true potential. all possibilities exist if you believe them. so i ask you to not limit your life because you are beautiful. i see a child who is lost and disconnected from herself. she needs to find herself... through love not through destruction. <br />
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we all love you.

Michelle, I just joined the experience project just to say this.... The reason you have been given such a hard life is because you are an elevated soul and because you are strong and God or whomever you believe in knows that you can get through this and be a shining light in this universe. When you get older you will realize that your real family is chosen. You can find that love you need from other people who will love you because you are a beautiful person..most of all, you will find that love within yourself. You are young and you are beautiful...take deep breaths every day and know that there is a reason this is your life path...and try to find the beauty in that even through horrible times. <br />
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-B

You are a beautiful young lady. Alcoholics often say terrible things that are totally unjustified. Just hang in there. One day, you will be in a better situation with people who support you.

experices are always good but its your thinking which tells its good one or bad one you are good looking girl but i suggest you to meet some disabled people you will understand what you r blessed with

Rubbish you look fine to me , just have to start learning being positive and in order for things to happen you need some effort and discipline , would love an add from you girl:)

Our situations are kind of the same, my mom died when I was a sophmore in High School and I will be a Sophmore in college in a few days my point is: my dad left when I was 4 and he's neglected me ever since. Since my mother passed I have been living with my sister who is fat and lonely and as a result she is very hateful. She is 32 and everyday she tells me that I'm stupid and dumb and black and ugly and my life is never going to be worth anything and it drives me crazy because everyone thinks she's so NICE! she's one of those people that puts on an act in front of others so if I ever had the courage to tell people how she beats me and treats me and makes me feel like crap... they don't believe me and they try to make me feel like I'm being ungrateful.<br />
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My family would tell me your sister didn't have to take you in when your mom died she did it becaue she WANTED to. What makes my mom's death so hard is that she was good to me and she supported me and if she was still alive... I probably wouldn't be on this site :/ Nobody understands what I go through I am so miserable everyday and I do belive that if I wasn't a Christian I would be dead right now. Last year I went to Prarie View A&M University and I loved it! I met so many new people and I made so many new friends. It was the happiest I have ever been in my entire life... but my sister is a spiteful, controlling person... she won't let me go back because she doesn't want me to be happy or do things that I like. She'd rather see me suffer.<br />
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I got a letter saying that one of my scholarships I needed to go back to school was cancelled so I was going to get into the military to pay for school. It was something I wanted to do for me as a person, but when I told her she threatened to kick me out, drive me to the recruitment office and forget about me all because I was trying to make my own choices.<br />
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My point is I am in a destructive controlling abusive situation and I am on the verge of getting out of the situation. You are young and you have so much to live for. Please don't for one minute think that there's nothing out there better for you! There is GOD and you may not see it now, but he is so there and he WILL show you a way to a better life. Don't give up! you are beautiful and you are worth 100 of your psychotic, insecure, ***** of a mother! Forgive me but people like my sister and your mother who take out all their hate and insecurities on others have a special place reserved for them in HELL! again I apoligize, but I;m just realizing that some people should be strong enough to deal with their issues in a positive way and those that deal by lashing are unforgiveable to me. Making other people suffer is getting old to me.... and eventually (and I say this to everone whose posted on this site) we will have to end our own pity party and fight! or we can spend the rest of our lives playing the victim. sorry for this EXTREMELY long comment (this probably isnt legal lol) but what i should just wrote first is I know how you feel and I can promise one day it WILL get better

Hang in there michelle. Sounds like your moms got some serious issues herself. Im sure shes jealous of you bc youre young and have your whole life in front of you. In all honesty you look like a pretty girl in your pic. Youre 15 -who cares if you dont have a bf. Boys are stupid at that age (and most other ages too :). Trust me im one of them. Keep ur head up.<br />
A serious suggestion is to make sure you get outside and exercise. I find that i think more clearly and feel better about myself when i do. Life gets better!

WHILE I AGREE WITH CAKE....YOUR MOMS A *****...SHE HAS NOTING BETTER TO DO BUT INFLICT HER EMOTIONS ABOUT HERSELF ONTO U..SHE IS WEAK...---I KNW THIS IS HARSH BUT I HATE I HATE I HATE THIS....THIS ISNT WHAT LIFE IS!!!!!!!!--- YOU SEEM SMART AND BEAUTIFUL.....TELL HER TO **** OFF AND IF SHE LAYS A HAND ON YOU *BAM* CPS... THERE ARE FAMILIES WHO WANT TO LOVE A BEAUTIFUL YOUNG WOMAN LIKE YOU....<br />
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BOYS ARE IDIOTS ESPECIALLY AT THAT AGE....BE YOURSELF...EVEN IF YOU GET MADE FUN OF...CHANGE FOR NO ONE BUT YOURSELF...STAY STRONG AND MAKE SURE YOU DEAL WITH THESE EMOTIONS IS A HEALTHY WAY.... I DIDNT AND IM ******....SO PLEASE TRY TO TALK TO SOMEONE OR GET HELP FOR YOUR MOM....I DUNNO IF IM EVEN MAKING SENSE.... OKAY I GUESS IM DONE....HOPE YA DNT HATE ME FOR BEING HARSH

The thing you need to remember about alcoholics is they don't even think about what they are saying. They just say the first thing that comes to mind and deliberately target what they know gets the most reaction out of you. Simply put: don't believe a word she says. She's just trying to hurt you.<br />
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Always remember it is never your fault. It is her choice to be who she is.<br />
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Now, from what I've seen of your profile picture I think you are very pretty and like someone said above boys your age are complete idiots who have no idea about beauty. (That does not mean latch on to the first 50 year old that compliments you! lol)<br />
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Just let it flow. You'll grow up and so will the boys.

With the mom thing it gets easier your getting closer to 18 movinv out. And if your father left your way better off with out him.

You are pretty and you have a sweet face. And you don't look overweight either.<br />
Your mom is messed up in the head.<br />
That's why she says stuff like that, it's not true.

remember it allwas darker befor the down... i know what it like to have a family like that my mother and father was like that to me.. well worse

You are only 15 and have everything to live for. <br />
And I really don't mean that condescendingly. <br />
When I was your age I felt the same way... I still do. <br />
Don't you dare give up on yourself. <br />
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And DONT worry about the boyfriend thing. You are beautiful. <br />
The boys at your age are immature and DONT see true beauty.<br />
I felt the same way. <br />
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I was always the chubby kid. I still am. But confidence goes a long way. <br />
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Be strong.

i agree but i dont think you are chubby thoi think you both are beautiful