Realist

Hey there. I know how you feel. I hate every single aspect of myself. I hate people I know nothing about. I know how people lie and say nice things because they think it makes them good people. I know how they think they know anything about you when they don't know the first thing. But you're practically a baby (I'm sorry). Most people don't realize what you're realized until they are past their 20s (like me) and its too late to do much about it. You have time and many chances. So what if you have no hair? Wear a wig, or accept it. Because what else can you do? Notice I said accept it, not like it, not be satisfied with it. But what are you going to do? Be so upset that everything will magically change? I've been told I was ugly since I was 3 years old. It never went away and it never will no matter how people try to convince me otherwise. Now everybody and their dogs wants to gush about how beautiful I am. **** them, I say. I can live with being ugly anyway, not like there's anything I can do about it. And having no hair doesn't make you a freak. It makes you a kid with no hair. Kids these days are horrifically bad and critical and judgmental. They're terrible (not that being an adult is a bag of fun, either). At least the girl you like doesn't hate your guts at least she even makes an effort and that says something about both of you. You say you just want to be beautiful. Well, here's a slice of reality for you: you can't always get what you want. I don't want to be beautiful. I just want to like something, anything, about myself. I want to be skinny. I'm 120lbs. I'm 23 years old. I hate myself so bad I cried my eyes out 2 hours ago about it. I'm ugly. It hurts. But I can't change that so I live with it. I can be skinny, but only at the risk of being anorexic because apparently I'm genetically predisposed to be a fat pig.



Let me also tell you this while you're young. When I was your age and younger, I was also very thin. But when you hit puberty, be careful going about eating and doing what you used to do before. Puberty makes most kids gain weight, as is normal. But some kids underestimate their metabolism and what they can eat and do and end up gaining too much weight and then they're miserable. You've probably gone through puberty already (it comes later for some people), but don't think that it still can't happen. I don't know if you're a boy, but if you are, you stop growing at about 18 years of age. Plenty of time to accidentally turn into a blimp, which MAY reduce your attractiveness. If you're a girl, about 15 years old. Still lots of time. Be careful. Also, keep in mind that with the effect crap like MTV and other garbage reality shows have on kids, they are more likely to be unnecessarily critical and cruel. This is not your fault. It's not about you or the way you look. Many kids make the mistake and think something is wrong with THEM when in fact something is wrong with those that hurt you about things you can't change. When you compare yourself to some people, you will ALWAYS find yourself lacking. Because not everyone is the same. There will ALWAYS be someone better looking than you whether you've met them, know they exist, or not. That's the way it is. That's God's work and has nothing to do with you. You also look better than many people. Be thankful no hair is your only physical problem (if it is). You truly have no idea what some people have to live with (seriously, there are phenotypic (look it up) disorders out there you couldn't dream of being possible and I am NOT over-exaggerating, I only wish I was. I won't give you any names of those disorders because it's not cool to use those people as examples of severe misfortune). Also, ever heard of the quote "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder?" It's true. Don't believe me? Have you ever seen two people in love or together whom you couldn't fathom how it could be possible? That's the power of love. Love doesn't always have a face, or color, or a body type. Love is hugely personality based. And your female friend obviously likes you for you even if it's not the way you want her to. There are certain things people can't pretend because you have to consider what they get out of pretending other than feeling good about themselves. But then again, if only that were the case, more people would be nice for that reason and the world would be a better place where nobody expected anything from you. Since it's not, you have to look at it from every angle you can think of. Why would she be nice? Is it because she wants to feel good about herself? If so, why are other people so mean? Do they feel good about that? Yes, they might. They also might just be douchebags for reasons that may escape you (and that's okay). I think the girl gets more out of being nice to you than making herself feel good. Dare I say...friendship? Don't be afraid to believe it. If you don't, you'll have no friends if you don't allow anyone to get close enough to try (like me, I have zero friends for this very reason and trust me it isn't helping me in the slightest).



I know I've written a lot, but I really feel you didn't want a comment that just gave you a short dish of crap and sent you on your way. And to the above commenter: Bipolar Disorder? Really though? I think not. Don't listen to that person. That's ridiculous. You're absolutely normal. There isn't a damn thing wrong with you even with the hair loss and such. Try to be thankful that it isn't worse. Enjoy while it's as good as it is because you don't know what's next.



You can wish you're different until you're blue in the face. It may not happen. You can change certain things about yourself (very little you can change about your physical appearance) with effort, but short of time or plastic surgery, you'll be the same in most regards. In time, you may become more attractive, it's very possible. You're too young to know for sure right now. Remember what I said about people falling for personality and not looks in every case. If you have any other friends they are the perfect example. You think they look at you and think "Oh, he/she's ugly, so they can't possibly be nice, or funny, or cool, or generous, or helpful." Granted, some people do think this way. But not all people. You'll never know if they think that way if you don't know them. So those things always remain a mystery (unless you ask but I implore you not to, lol). Don't worry about such things so much. The sooner you accept that there are certain things you can change and certain things you can't (like genes, and this includes your disease) the better you can live your life. Nobody said you have to like it, but what do you want, to be miserable, or to be happy? If it's the latter (it is) then you already know what you have to do. And nobody said that would be easy. It damn sure is not. But all you can do is try. And only 2 things can happen. You'll either succeed or you'll fail. You have no idea how you much power you have to affect that outcome.



Please don't think of me as some old woman who doesn't know what she's talking about and has too much time on her hands to yap your eyes off. If you think this, read one of my posts (well, there's only one). I know more than you think. I'm not terribly much older than you (I certainly look your age, sadly) and you can't make certain assumptions without knowing what I've been through. So take all of this with you and try to make the most of life. It could always be worse. Worse may be right around the corner. Please don't push people away. Even if they hurt you you learn things from them. You learn what you like and what you don't like in a person, what you should do and what you shouldn't do, and what you should approach and what you should avoid.



Good luck. Don't let thinking like this ruin you. Because it gets worse as you get older. Nip it in the bud while you can.

It is simply not fair what you are going through... and I am so sorry. Let me just say that from what I read you seem extremely intelligent, especially for a thirteen year old. I have a feeling that what you are going through is going to make you into an incredible person. Good luck, i'll pray for you.

I'm sorry things are so hard for you. Your parents are probably not much help and I know you feel very alone. All I can tell you, from having experienced a lot of what you're feeling, is that the good stuff, the happy times when you feel loving, these things are real, too. I'm sure you've heard this before, but it sounds like you may have some sort of bipolar disorder. While there is a whole industry producing drugs for this type of thing, a lot of people have found great improvements simply by changing their diets, giving up things like wheat or sugar.

There are times when I hate myself and life, too. Right now in fact, but writing to you makes me feel a little better, makes me feel like there are positive things I can do in the world to help other people. That's really where the much of true happiness seems to come from, but I know it must feel to you that no one will even accept your help, love or support. Anyway, hang in there. SOme of us feel different because we ARE different, but it's important to hold onto the notion that there are strenghts in that too--things we can do and feel that more "normal" people will never come close to. The challenge is to find other people like ourselves to connect with. I think this message board might be useful for that. I actually found it by seeing what would happen if I Googled "I hate myself".

Anyway, be kind to yourself hard as it is sometimes. You didn't make yourself. What you call "you" is really just a spirit (or consciousness) riding around in a body, a weird machine with lots of characteristics that are beyond our control. All we can do is try our best to steer it. Hang in there.