I Am Incapable of Doing Anything Worthwhile.

I am a thirty-something overweight single woman with two cats a messy condo with late mortgage payments who can't find her checkbook atm or credit card hasn't started a huge presentation that i have to give at work in eighteen hours and just knows that i will die alone in this f-ing messy place and the f-ing cats will eat the flesh off my bones and no one will even notice
afjsdkl afjsdkl
31-35, F
38 Responses Nov 19, 2006

yes even you, his love includes ,in fact that is why he hung on a tree, bearing all your curses, and sins , and sorrows, but is no use unless you receive his gift of forgiveness and life, talk to him, Rom 5:8 But God has shown us how much he loves us---it was while we were still sinners that Christ died for us!
Rom 5:9 By his blood we are now put right with God; how much more, then, will we be saved by him from God's anger!
Rom 5:10 We were God's enemies, but he made us his friends through the death of his Son. Now that we are God's friends, how much more will we be saved by Christ's life!

I love you. You're funny. Hope things have gotten better for you since then.

Here is a link to a Free Personal Development Audio Book - I hope you can gain something from it :-)

I am 64 years old and life has taught me ONE thing:

Men NEED women more than women need men.

Let that be the core and center of any decision you make.

LOVE yourself. Nobody else can do that for you, and act out of that self-love!

Write down a list of five things you love and five things you fear.
Let the top thing you LOVE lead you forward.


I Had To Get Naked, And Took Six Of The Best Bare Bottom, The Pretty Dutch Girl Farted, And I Almost Jumped Out Of My Skin!!
Girlie Girl Gave Me Six-Of-The-Best!
This is my most unselfconscious writing. It really is me, and sounds like me.
Personal experience is always hard-earned and i hope mine is valuable to you.
It was like turning snake venom into healing potion. This is a part of the landscape of my memory, but not of regret.
Martin Luther King always used to say that "unearned suffering is redemptive," but i did not suffer in this case.
I try to reduce ugliness in the world by reducing ugliness in myself, and there is no ugliness in this incident at all, quite the contrary.
I Teased A Pretty Dutch Girl About Her ****, So She Caned Me Where I Sit
Women have such a deep underlying gentleness to them that it so counterbalances the force of a caning that there is no violence to itl
Written on June 12th, 2013
Bare Bottom Bognor Caning Over A Pink Bar Stool By Female Friend!
She farted with the last stroke, grinned, and told me next time it would be right in my face.
I Treated Her Well: Her Last Boyfriend Was a Rectum Wrecker And Cored Her Like An Apple!
What you lack in size you've got to find some way to make up.....

What she did was an act of female power conducting, the opposite of man-hating!
There was nothing detached about it, and i experienced nothing of what she did as being cruel, or in any shape or form wrong.
Like most Dutch girls she is a natural born feminist without ever having to read a word about it: it's in her DNA and I'm glad of it!

(I walked her through similar experiences I had with pro doms years ago; I stopped seeing pros once I learned enough to train amateurs to go through the events with me! This was the first caning Leah ever gave, but certainly not the first one for me to receive. It was much safer than two amateurs going at it for the first time! If you accuse me of taking her "virginity" as a corporal punishment administrator, you must also admit i did get my hide tanned for it!)

Caning was still legal throughout my childhood, and I was horrified of it.
As an adult, one Saturday afternoon in August, naked, I bent over a bar stool and touched the floor in front of me with the tips of my fingers.
The effect was to spread my bare buttocks wide apart completely exposing the sitting muscles, soon for a time to be less comfortable for sitting on.
Dutch pretty, sincerely polite, considerate, utterly charming, ever so girlie girl Leah gave me six-of-the best.
With black electrical tape I had wound around the stem just before the crook handle so as to give her a good grip on it, and to make it a true English school--I had it shipped over from England--"Bognor," she used the 5/16" rattan.
This was the first time she had ever even held a cane in her hands, but she knew what she was doing because she had listened to the instructional audio, Miss Marianne Martindale's "The Art Of Caning."
Strong, flexible, fluid, whippy, good "crack" and a good "fall" to it, there were low whooshes and six loud smacks.
And, six tramlines on my bottom afterwards.
With each stroke, there was a caress across my bare bottom, followed a few seconds later by the pain, a delayed reaction which is peculiar to caning.
The thin red lines stood out for a few days.
It was like she was still with me.
By next Friday there was a scab along the top line.
By Saturday the lines were absolutely gone.
Whenever I sat down, for a couple of days immediately after the tanning, I had a mild raw feeling, like something was missing .
I put an extra cushion on my chair.
That solved the problem.
Not a big deal.
There was no other subsequent discomfort than this tenderness.
By getting it as an act of friendship, I conquered that one terror in my life, much like turning snake poison into an antidote.
The experience gave me power and took none away.

It was a totally satisfying experience for Leah, and that makes it totally satisfying for me.
While using it she felt the cane was a part of her. So did I.
I don't so much feel that the cane was used as that it was shared.
I opened myself to intimacy, and it was quite a forceful connecting, a fusion, a very personal energy going into me.
"I liked everything about it," said she. "I did it on your bare bottom because on the seat of the underpants it would have been like eating a candy with the wrapper on it. I stopped only because I felt sorry for you. I didn't use follow through because I didn't want to cut you in two. You have a cute asphole."
It was more than just a somethingness, a lack of a void.
Pain, and the possibility of transcendence, there is something empowering about having "survived" a good thrashing!
I feel love for Leah, but it isn't.

It is a unique kind of bonding.

It's like she got a piece of me and made it a part of her, but the piece also grew back quickly and without a trace, and I have a piece of her which I treasure as a part of me now.

Thirteen years later, grade ten dropout, two kids by two different men, a never wore her seat belt car accident, god knows how many cigarettes, experimenting with drugs to keep from getting fat, arrested for stealing form her employer, I wonder if she still giggles, and just how aware she is that, as I understand it, no man since has ever been willing to let her do anything at all like what she did with me to him.

Resignation is giving away your power.
Surrender is getting your power back. In no way did I resign myself to the cane, but rather I surrendered myself to it, and just thinking about it right now electrifies me.

She got the right end of the stick for her.
I got the right end of the stick for me.
I feel closer to women for it.

A satisfied woman is always an accomplishment to a man who loves them!
Three cheers!

If you try to hold onto wisdom it will just run through your fingers. The more you share of it, the more you keep.


Hey, everyone, have as much fun as you can with spanking games, and that's ALL they are, FUN, for one day you may have diabetes

like me NOW and be under diabetic wound care so you can't play, and have a stream of beautiful women coming to see you but they are V.O.N. nurses who arrive to change bandages and inspect my diabetic ulcers, and nothing more!

So now i admire women as hands on health care providers as well as spankers, and that's ONE blessing!

SO, get out there, spank a man, and save the planet!

One Type Of Cupid's Bow!





































with a










with a




Now get out there and do it, or i'll dip your pigtails in an ink well!

(A good strapping of 200-300 whacks i have been told can be given on the backs of the legs, the buttocks and the back, but the cane is too powerful to go
beyond a limited number of the best on the buttocks, i can tell you from personal experience!)
Couldn't get an erection, small penis, but I have other ***-ets!
"Where's the long arm of the law?" said my ex-wife staring at my privates.
Not much of a package, not a very long marriage.
I am very sure that any woman who wants to assist a man with small penis syndrome would do well to take a very good horsehide razor strap to his bare bottom!
I give women 60 ******* an hour by letting them cane my bare ***!
And i'm enormously happy with it.
It gives me a lot of power. I'm the one who owns the ***.
I am still ************ to the pretty Dutch girl who gave me six of the best back in 1999!
To put it in military terms, sometimes an eighteen shot Swiss made Lugar special will do a better job than a tank cannon!
(Ya, but she sure didn't stay around long!)
Love life, love yourself, enjoy the world from flowers to English school rattan canes and I will feel that my writing this journalistic "scoop" is a complete success.
If I got you laughing or smiling then i am happy and i have succeeded with this reporting, a subject i took at Harvard University Summer School before you were born!

WTF? why was all of that ranting necessary?

If you can't do something for yourself, don't expect others to do something for you.

No you won't. Everyone has someone out there.

Exercise. Even if you are 35, you are still not old. Exercise like a *****. Pay a cleaning lady to come clean your house...like a spring cleaning thing and throw away all the junk that you don't need. (You don't need most of it). Simply start new. Tips: Go on a high protein diet with green leaves and green vegetables. Your problem in life is laziness. I am 26, study at Cambridge University and have normal health. I was 25 kilos heavier once, dropped out of uni and had the messy issue too. Still do, but I have a cleaning lady. You can always have a better quality life.

at least you've got a job and a place of your own... i've got nothing of it...
you live in a society where women could reach their 70's and still asked for dating...
in my country when a woman reaches her late 20's no one would even notice her.. i'm 30 so i guess i will live the rest of my life without a mate...can you imagine that ?!
live happily dear, you have lots of things to do with your life...unlike me..

I felt the same way. I still sometimes feel completely worthless and alone. Like I can't do anything right, and especially like everything I think that I am good at, is completely useless to others in the real world. I found something that helps me. I moved myself to a different decade. I was always in love with the 40's, so I essentially though of myself in that era. I know almost everything to know about pre-depression era cameras. Today that is not an exactly useful skill, not many other people are into that. But in the 40's, that would be a majorly important skill. I feel like I belong, in a different time, but it helped me to find that I DO have meaning, I am not completely worthless.

sigh, let me start of by saying that u should not be disrespecting urself like that, ur a woman, the more dominating of our species for crying out loud, u jus need to go out an meet new random people that can spark interest in ur life or jus work out if it really bothers u that much. an ur very young 30 something is not old u know, neither is 40 or 50...U HAVE MOST OF UR LIFE A HEAD OF U!

You are not alone,at least you have a job,think about it,join a gym,and boost ur self esteem U can work it out.

You have to be strong for your kids! Use them as inspiration. Think about saving up for a trip and relaxing for a few days with them which will help motivate you to get your presentation done and do your job! If youre getting bored from it, start applying at new places and change it up a bit. You are not alone

I am sure that there is one thing you can do! You have purpose dont give up! it will get better but it is all up to you! try to walk outside and get some fresh air. Smile you have so much to live for!!!!!!!!!

Someone will notice ur kids try ur hardest to make them feel good if my mum died i have nothing left to do.A mothers love means everything to their kids

at least you have kids? i have nothing... live and be healthy for them

I'm sorry if I missed something, but where does it say she has kids?

Hahaha love ur.wit, it so me! Wish I didnt have to get up every morning, tbh if I didn't have child I woulmt, she's what keeps alive, I beat myself up day after day for everything i do n I can't help myself even though I'm beginning to learn the past isn't my fault

I think you're humour is brilliant. Tidy your house, feed your cats, feed yourself, find your chequebook and sort your life out. (she says from the deviled pit of my room, hm..)

Here's the deal. em<x>bedded in your message is a snarky sense of humor that I like. A LOT. Your remark about the cats eating the flesh off your bones makes me think that if I was enjoying a glass of wine with you in a trendy pub, you would be the kind of person that would make me laugh my *** off. I'm not overlooking your pain. I totally get that part. I'm sitting here in a bedroom that looks a lot like my parrot's cage feeling sorry for myself because I've gained 40 pounds in four years and I remember being younger and having sooooooo much more fun. Liking myself SO much more. But whenever I hear humor behind the painful remarks that people make, even dark humor, I know they have guts and will make it. And you will.

theres hope you do have aroof over your head and a job and your health

i think you all suck.

I always enjoy a well thought through bit of advice. . .

I know how you feel. We're both overweight 30 somethings with messy places and cats. You sound like a woman who has taken on so much through the goodness of her heart that it is overwhelming you at times. I will pray for you with all my might tonight, and I hope you'll be alright. I wish I could help you clean up and bring you a silly movie to make you smile. Life can be excruciatingly challenging at times, sister. But it is infinitely sweeter than not being alive at all. You are doing the best you can.

Most often we as people have little knowledge and skill for what's wrong and what's right. We are bombarded with tons of messages everyday. Telling us who we should be rather than who we are. Programming is normal when the right components are put in their proper places. Very often the messages are becoming unclear for every generation that passes through time. If you don't believe me, try checking out Human History and our belief systems that either have hurt us or helped us to become better. We are all total sums of our experiences. Knowing what to weed out of your life and what to keep in can be exausting. However, some of us do gather alot of the right tools in life. So that our insides match our outsides. Sooner or later, you discover that you too can become of a part of the solution and nothing is written in stone. No matter how heavy it is to carry;) If your interested, I have a story on here called, Discipline by Rod. For those of might want to make sense out of nonsense. Take care!

I know how you feel. Some days I can barely get out of bed, and when I finally do, I try to remember the reason I even am. I don't know that I can really say anything that will provide you with any comfort, but if you read all the comments, you'll see that others can relate to how you feel and want to help you. I really hope that things get better for you soon and that everything turns out alright and that you find the comfort you need.

Being fat is something of a common theme here and I think it is just one of the excuses we give as to why to hate ourselves. Believe me I would hate myself thin, fat or obese. I was once having a great body, but now, I am also fat. I just hate myself for being...not for being fat.

So true. I need to get rid of work clothes, especially because I can't seem to get up the energy to find a job. My suits range from a size 4 to a size 16. I wasn't happy in any of those suits because I still hated the person wearing them. All I want is to die, but I'd never hurt my family like that. I have no purpose, no energy, am scared to go back for bloodwork because I know I'll be pre-diabetic at least. And I simply don't seem to care enough to get out of this bed. I'm going to lose my marriage in a month if I can't get past this depression. I hide it alot because who wants to hear me complaining all the time. I hate life, I just want to take pills to take away the pain, I have no interest in anything I used to. I can't even turn the TV off at night because when I wake up I start thinking and crying and will wake up my husband. So please just know you're not alone. The sad thing is I am a Christian and I cannot seem to overcome this depression, even on anti-depressants. Good luck to you. I hope things have gotten better for you by now.

Its hard to be happy when you are unhappy. Best bet is to on your day off, grab trash bags and clean your house. A clean environment always makes things feel better than what they really are. Call your mortgage lender as well, let them know whats going on financially and maybe they can help. They dont want your house, they want your money.

I feel that it's perfectly normal for any of us, at one time or another, to feel unworthy. We certainly go through times when we feel bad about mistakes we've made or we've hurt people's feelings that we had no intention of hurting. But for someone to feel this way ALL THE TIME is not normal. And in fact, it actually can become something of an arrogance because we start thinking that our own problems are SO bad that there's just no atonement, no way to reverse things, no way to improve. We become all self involved in our own little pity party. When other folks try to help us, we scoff at them rather than trying to take loving counsel to heart. I think that this is a rather easy trap to fall into.<br />
<br />
That's just baloney. Think about it. Don't go there. If you can't purge yourself of this negativity in spite of all the help from friends, please seek professional help.

You can't change everything overnight. One step at a time. 1. May I suggest finding a different home for the cats (that will eliminate the worry about what they eat should something happen to you); 2. Plan to call in sick for the presentation, but promise yourself that you will do something to help yourself instead. Clean the kitchen and find your checkbook. That is actually two steps. You can choose which you want to do.

I hate what you say!Go and visit some older people in the oldpeople home .Give someone a meal.Its not hard man.Be happy.

Hey sister, I feel you. I've been thin and I've been way too thin, and self-hatred is sill there. So, for all of the reasons you hate yourself, take the overweight thing off your list, because self-hatred is for all weights!

instead of bitching about the mess why dont you move your fat *** and clean it.

You should be ashamed of yourself for saying that to her.

This is a very unhelpful and mean-spirited comment.

I think it must be my fault and your not to blame im always affecting people this way well I hope it all turns out all right

Im sorry you feel like this. I feel the same way about myself. even though Im am only 20 I feel like i dont know how to make myself happy. I live in an apartment with my two dogs cat and guinea pig. I often think that if i ever died know one would know until a funky smell started coming from my apartment. We both need to find a group of friends so we can have a life outside of our home and work. We both need something that makes us happy

one of the best ways to start feeling better about yourself is to concentrate on other people. I know it's hard to get up and go but try. find someone or something that you can get involed with. you will meet more people and have less time to think about you and your situation. I know how you feel I have been there.

I read this story because I could see the old me in those words. Although I can't give you your answers afjsdkl, I can assure you that you can turn your life around if you really want to. It all begins with your thoughts, as they are what creates your reality.<br />
<br />
You know you are more than those words of sadness posted above. There is a wonderful human being trying to find a way out of the cycle that is generating those feelings inside you. Take stock and get to know who you are and what it is that you do want in life, and let that be your starting point for change.<br />
<br />
P.s it is easy to slip into hopeless feelings with a deadline looming and the pressure to perform biting at your heels. These things are temporary though and come to pass.<br />
<br />
Blessings and positive energy in your journey,<br />
<br />

I hate myself has been my mantra for a long time. I can feel you sister. I know it's easier said than done becuase I struggle everyday, but things can change & they do. Sometimes not as fast as we like but hey anything worthwhile is worth waiting for (or working for)<br />
Hang in there.

hope things work out for you. i went through a stage where i lacked motivation in everything i did & found out later it was depression.

I wanted to welcome you to this community and express my support for your situation. You'll find a good group of friends here who 'get it' and I hope you'll start feeling much better soon. Welcome again! (and good luck on that presentation!)