Its The Same Cycle
For as long as I can really remember, I've know what it meant to kill yourself. My first real attempt was when I was 8 years old. Ever since then, I've just felt wrong. Like I should never have existed. As a teenager it was worse. Every screw up was my fault. Every little imperfection was a reason to end it. I never really knew what othes meant when they said they were happy. I joined the military when I was 19. At girst it gave me ditection, a plave to be and people who cared. But I ruined that too. I couldn't keep up my finances and it got too much. So, they let me go. Now, i am a civilian. It has been almost 6 years...I can't seem to hold a job, I am currently unemployedand feel like no one ever wants me around...namely, me. I can't stand to look in the mirror. And when i do gey myself esteem up, I circle right back to this....I have seen doctors and professionals. It hasnt helped. Medication doesn't seem to help either...so close to trying again. I dunno what to do anymore...help.