I Can't Do a Damn ThingI hate myself. and I hate that I have to tell people online that i hate myself. I don't lack good friends but i wouldnt dare telling most of them as it's so much "cooler" to be happy. I'm jelous of everyone and i don't know how to fix this. I really really don't want to admit that my life sucks even though I cry myself to sleep. It's like i'm an alcholic but i'm too much of a hyperchondriac to drown my self like that. At 14 I did all this, and that resulted in me running from school. i'm now 25 and I feel worse that i've not got anywhere. I've Got M.E. which prevents me from doing a 9-5 but in truth i could but I hate the idea of giveing my life up. what's ironic is that as a result of not really having a life i sit around worrying about what a 9-5 job will do to my quality of life (and please please don't roll your eyes and say get on with things. I won't respect that as I know poeple who "get on with things" and they are not happy) don't reply to this if all you are going to say is things will get better. I probably wont read any body elses posts on here as it makes me realise how pathetic i am. I don't mean to be mean, infact I'd go out of my way for you if I felt you needed me but i can't love if i don't love myself and I've tried. it's a physical impossibility for me to me happy and helpful when i'm like this. I had someone recently that loved me and i pushed her away cause I didn't love her. now she has someone I'm lost and want her back and my friends are telling me it's cause she has someone and all i think is how **** my life really is and how getting her back would make it a little better. that's not fair. I dumped her cause her life was only good cause of me "her words" I couldnt cope with that reality as inside that was what i was afriad of. I can't type anymore I really want to delete this but i guess there is some hope in the fact that no one on here knows me.
The only reason I don't take this done is because it still get's responses and the fact that I get replies just shows me that people do still care. I appreciate everyone that have responded to this.
I will remove this eventually as, though life isn't perfect, I have hope and goals and I do not hate myself any more. For those that have read this and still feel hopeless, please know it will get better. I promise!