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I Can't Do a Damn Thing

I hate myself. and I hate that I have to tell people online that i hate myself. I don't lack good friends but i wouldnt dare telling most of them as it's so much "cooler" to be happy. I'm jelous of everyone and i don't know how to fix this. I really really don't want to admit that my life sucks even though I cry myself to sleep. It's like i'm an alcholic but i'm too much of a hyperchondriac to drown my self like that. At 14 I did all this, and that resulted in me running from school. i'm now 25 and I feel worse that i've not got anywhere. I've Got M.E. which prevents me from doing a 9-5 but in truth i could but I hate the idea of giveing my life up. what's ironic is that as a result of not really having a life i sit around worrying about what a 9-5 job will do to my quality of life (and please please don't roll your eyes and say get on with things. I won't respect that as I know poeple who "get on with things" and they are not happy) don't reply to this if all you are going to say is things will get better. I probably wont read any body elses posts on here as it makes me realise how pathetic i am. I don't mean to be mean, infact I'd go out of my way for you if I felt you needed me but i can't love if i don't love myself and I've tried. it's a physical impossibility for me to me happy and helpful when i'm like this.  I had someone recently that loved me and i pushed her away cause I didn't love her. now she has someone I'm lost and want her back and my friends are telling me it's cause she has someone and all i think is how **** my life really is and how getting her back would make it a little better. that's not fair. I dumped her cause her life was only good cause of me "her words" I couldnt cope with that reality as inside that was what i was afriad of. I can't type anymore I really want to delete this but i guess there is some hope in the fact that no one on here knows me.

The only reason I don't take this done is because it still get's responses and the fact that I get replies just shows  me that people do still care. I appreciate everyone that have responded to this.

I will remove this eventually as, though life isn't perfect, I have hope and goals and I do not hate myself any more. For those that have read this and still feel hopeless, please know it will get better. I promise!

DanHughes DanHughes 21-25, M 19 Responses Apr 6, 2007

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hello dan, i am glad you know we cant do it alone, we are not made to find our way alone in life, find where you fit in the world, and where it is in Jesus, he made you, he loves you, he died for you, and he wants to help you, he is called your good shepherd, of the sould, the hinking, the decisions, Rom 5:8 But God has shown us how much he loves us---it was while we were still sinners that Christ died for us!
Rom 5:9 By his blood we are now put right with God; how much more, then, will we be saved by him from God's anger!
Rom 5:10 We were God's enemies, but he made us his friends through the death of his Son. Now that we are God's friends, how much more will we be saved by Christ's life!

Here is a link to a Free Personal Development Audio Book - I hope you can gain something from it :-)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SWDiXN8nAx4&feature=youtu.be

One little thought. Of course you can do a "damn thing." Your wrote this didn't you?

I\'m with you. You gave what I would say if you hadn\'t first. Dan, EVERYbody can do SOMEthing. It just depends on what you DO with whatever it is.

I wish I could offer advice, good wishes or say things will get better, but I won't. I feel we share a psychological and emotional bond of sorts. Do you still cry yourself to sleep? If so, how often? I still do sometimes...

And I thought *my* life was bad. Reading these depression posts makes me realize how lucky I am.

You know how you handle this? Tackle one thing at a time - take as long as you need to fix one situation before you move on. Don't try to take on all your life crisies at once.

I did it - 38 years ago this coming spring - and it will work for you. Try it!

I love you.Dont give up.If it wasnt meet to be it wasnt.I can see where youre comeing from and understand.I bet each day it gets worse like my spelling.But listen your young and lost only 5 or 6 years younger then me.You will find love.Be thankfull of what you got.Yea right like thats poss.Stiffen your upper lip.Yea right.I've heard them all to.What i did (not saying it will work i keep slipping my dam self) is make a plan change the things you can.Job car school house and when you have that love will come.But get a plan stick to it.It will be hard but the harder it is the sweeter the juice when you get the fruit.

The only reason I don't take this down is because it still get's responses and the fact that I get replies just shows me that people do still care. I appreciate everyone that have responded to this.

I will remove this eventually as, though life isn't perfect, I have hope and goals and I do not hate myself any more. For those that have read this and still feel hopeless, please know it will get better. I promise!

Thank you for taking the time to respond.

Other people (like my friends here on EP) care. It is GOOD and a step forward that you don't dislike yourself anymore. Keep it up!

MaryJanine

Lifes ****, I know, and i would say I'm sorry, which I am, but I know from experience sorrys dont really do much. Have some chocolate cake, take a walk in the sunshine, maybe take a few prozac too ;) and hopefully have a few happy moments to live for each day, even if thats the only thing they are; moments.

wer do u stay ll u be my friend....????? i hate myself too lets hate each other as a course of friendship and see if we can stop hating ourselves??? wat u say........ my id toreachme7 ON GMAIL

The fact that you hate yourself makes me encouraged because I hate myself too. I've been afraid to live because of what's happened to me in the past, and I hate myself and feel worthless. The fact that I'm not the only one that feels this way makes me feel a little less insane, so for that I'm grateful :)

Its okay to let your emotions out.

I realised life's been really tough for you and me. A day will never pass without me crying my eyes out, feeling like i am a worthless ****!

yup , I know exactly how you feel because I have a similiar story . Basically I go to Northern Illinois University without anyone because I have a difficult time appreciating other people because I don't appreciate myself. Hang in there though . You only live once , once its gone its gone for good. I really hope you find this encouraging.

"what a 9-5 job will do to my quality of life" - i got the same m.o. As far as the girl thing, i got the same thing too. When i got it i ignore it, when its gone, i want it. I know what I want out of life and Im just not getting it. We, me and you, are overachiever who achieve nothing. We shoot for the stars and only hit the pavement. Maybe what I said sucks *** but hey, knowing is 90% of the battle, so what are we gonna do about that other 10%?

Hey I hear you and understand as best as I can with my limited ability to understand anything about this life and/or why it is so unfair because here is what gets me the most, I have read alot of other peoples problems on here so far, and every one of them sound like the nicest people and then I find myself crying on my keyboard like a big idiot because I want so bad to help them , but I am swimming right beside them in the sink hole of life and am quite useless.<br />
I hear how you feel about your health issue, I too am waiting to see if I can get disability since I can no longer walk and wow yeah, I hope somehow someway some light shines your way.

The hardest thing is to openly admit the feelings we keep inside. The ones we don't want anyone to know because those people would judge us as "problems" I know, I've been there. I am not trying to be patronizing, just that I know from experience how you feel. I struggle with lots of personal problems, I have cried when I posted my stories, but also I have found people here who accept me for who I am. Welcome here, you are among friends, and hang in there.

I'm glad u just sated what was on your mind, afterall that's the beauty of this site. You can say anything and because its anonymous it doesnt matter what u say. All of us need to vent what is on our minds and i think most of us do not really want to get into it with our friends, because we are afraid that they will just see us as whiners, BUT who knows how many of your friends are on this site, spilling their guts too. I know u stated that u probably wont read any posts but all i wanted to say is that i know how it feels to be stuck and hate yourself. I feel that way sometimes too. I'm glad your parents were able to help.

i've calmed down a little bit sonce i wrote this. parents can be pretty amazing. I'm still struggling but i have a plan of action. I'm sorry if I came across as whiney and brash. It was a hard thing for me to own up to and it just came out.

its okay. Your not being whinny, and i apologize if you ever felt you had to be someone else. Like I told another person on here, it is difficult sometimes to feel like a loner, or that you aren't like the other people. I'm just glad that you remained strong, and that you aren't like the others. Because then life would become a bore. So good luck with your plan of action. I'll be rooting! :)

you dont have to be sorry you have to be yourself here even if its whinny, its the good thing about this place you get to be yourself for once