There Are Far Too Many Days That I Hate Myself!!

I'm a single mother of 2 boys and there are many days that I hate myself. Yes all of what you are about to read makes me sound whiney but how can you not sound whiney when you are sharing your feelings on this topic. So here are some reasons I hate Myself;

1. I'm unhappy with my weight and due to depression i cant motivate myself enough to workout and eat properly.

2. I don't always keep my house presentable and I think that is the very least thing I could do for my kids.

3. I feel tiredd far too often, so I don't have the energy i need to raise 2 kids.

4. My marriage failed and we are now divorced.

5. I sometimes lie about important things.

6. I actually get angry with people I dont even know well.

7. I am sooo far behind in laundry that sometimes my kids dont have clean clothes (not often but even once makes me angry at myself)

8. I smoke even though it upsets my kids and makes them think I am going to die.

9. I often make plans with people, knowing deep down, I will probably cancel them.

10. I can't work right now as I am on Disability.

This list could go on and on, but why bother, i'm sure by now you can understand why I get angry at myself.

AlwaysRemembers AlwaysRemembers
41-45, F
17 Responses Apr 8, 2007

dont try to work out your life by yourself, allow god love to come and bless you and give you his family, his security, his blessings, its all given to you freely in recieving his son Jesus

Here is a link to a Free Personal Development Audio Book - I hope you can gain something from it :-)

Hi AlwaysRemembers,

Let's start here. Non-medical depression is not a something. It is a behavior. We depress when we want to avoid something. That leads to cutting off the offending feeling or suppressing it. Trouble is, you can't just cut yourself off from a single feeling. You end up cutting yourself off from most of your feelings. Suppressing them only hides them in your subconscious where the come out again when triggered. Feelings are a guide. They tell you where you are in life. You need them. Then, you need to let go of the negative ones. When you accept the negative ones and let them go, you have clearer perception and can make better choice, such as what type of thoughts you want to have, and what changes you can make to better your life. Find out how to release negative feelings. You might check this out :>D

There are People that Paint pictures with there mouth,as they have no Arms,
some people use the most Feeble Excuse not to work ,and become fat Lazy Slop.
Get off your Arse look after those Children,And Count Your Blessings

hey ,, I m chitra ...need a frnd to share , I m a lady and looking for true female or male frnd without any dirt on their mind if u really need a frnd talk to me ...

Honey, I was with you and sympathetic until I hit #1O.

I am disabled, too - I am suffering with arthritis in both knees and can't work because I can no longer stand or walk without a walker. Still, I live alone but manage to get my laundry done - there is NO EXCUSE for this - and get out at least once a week plus church on Sunday.

Get off the couch or out of bed or whatever it is you are parked in. Stop lying to people and keep appointments/commitments with others. Work on it. It can be done. I speak from experience.

Those are problems I think most of us suffer from. Your more honest about it. If you teach your children to love themselves and others you have done well. Let them do there own laundry!

Take one thing at a time. I have depression and I know how difficult it can be to do the simplest things. If youre like me you might be putting your feet up a lot, except not really because you feel guilty for doing so when there are things to be done. Please, don't feel bad about relaxing a little and let yourself relax. That way you can tick relaxing from the things you need to do today and you will feel refreshed and just maybe ready to do the laundry, and then tell yourself you deserve a 5 minute tea break, and then you're ready to wash the dishes. To get motivation you need to kind of spark a chain reaction like that. Find a way that suits you. Don't feel bad about asking for help too (from a family member for example) it can take a load off your shoulders. And your kids, the best thing you can do is make them feel like you're there for them. In contrast, my parents worked all the time and I never got to spend any time with them. I never told them but I hate them a little for that. Find a way to enjoy spending time with your children. Tell yourself you are doing this right. One thing at a time my friend.

I feel your pain I was a very young mother once .that was depressed but I did the best I could and he grew up to be a good person so give yourself a break do the best you can and dont beat yourself up about it.

Depression is a invisible disability, others cannot understand why you are the way you are, which makes you feel you should fit into the little box that they think you should fit into.. I can tell You have high expectations of yourself and putting the bar so high, is what's making it seem impossible to reach and reinforcing the belief that you can't do it...<br />
<br />
take baby steps, take that list and start with the small things, and don't be afraid to ask for help, everyone needs support, don't be ashamed and don't feel guilty<br />
<br />
you did not choose for life to be this way, but you can change it to make it work for you. It's not easy and sometimes you may take steps backward, but I believe in you, because even posting what you have posted, means that you are ready for change

You have to hold yourself to a higher standard. decide that i want this and this for myself and for my family. <br />
if you start exercising it will do for you wonders, for me it did, i looove it, i focused more on strenght exercises than cardio in the beginning because i hated cardio, but now i even started cardio more.. im telling you you will feel a milllion times better and happier with yourself once you begin.. its for sure. exercising GIVES you more energy. Marriage is over, so what, alot of people go through this, its no end to life.. Lies: other people lie too, don't beat yourself up over this. If someone has the intention of digging into your life or want to gossip about you and gather information than you needn't feel guilty for withholding the truth, when their intentions are not good.

I know this isn't much...but I wanted to let you know I *completely* understand....hugs

You have depression , it saps your strength and energy and with all best intentions you will not be able to keep promises all the time and you know what? it's o.k.<br />
I have so much in common with you I can not even begin to tell you but just know that my kids are grown now and lived through my mess and even though I will never be the worlds greatest Mom I kept them alive and didn't abuse them. though they still hold it against me about having to go to school in the same clothes they wore the day before because Mom couldn't get her stuff together enough to do the laundry. Yeah that is awful and of course I hate myself for it but there you go.<br />
You are not the only Mom that did not toe the line that is imposed on us and NEVER EVER on the Fathers right? yeah right. hang in there o.k?

I feel your pain AlwaysRemembers i have lived a life pain for years i so need to leeve my partner all she does every day is ***** put me down and treet my son like crap but me being the supporttive partner stays with her thinking that all will be better she is also my boss and so then treets me with no respect and makes me feel little in front of my peers i am a furm beliver that i dont belong with the human race all my life i have treated people with the utmost kindness and it seems everyware i go i get screwed by everyone i know that if i leeve my partner that me and my son will be on the street with no job or money so im trapped once again i go through life with no future life sucks big time i hope that all the humans destoy the earth as they are and then they might then feel what its like to be stranded anyway back to my life of pain :(

I think it must be my fault and your not to blame im always affecting people this way well I hope it all turns out all right

Being a mother is a job that takes a lot of energy. I don't know how I did it. At one time I had so many labels I felt like driving myself into a tree. I was not validated for anything I did by my husband nor praised or emotionally helped. My husband would even forget to come pick me up after work so that I would walk home. I stayed in the marriage for 13 long years. At year 7 I started thinking divorce but my children were not ready. So I stayed another 6 years. By that time my children were happy the marriage was breaking up. As women, we give so much of ourselves away that there is nothing left for us. Then we beat ourselves up for not being superwomen we see depicted all over the media. Being good to ourselves and saying good things to ourselves is a way to start getting back some good energy. Good energy begets more good energy. Climbing up out of the hole of depression is a hard journey. Been there done that and have to remind myself everyday to be good to myself. Meditation has helped me a lot. Even 5 minutes of just noticing my breathing and as I breath in telling myself I am breathing energy from the universe to keep up my vibration above depression is wonderful.

I can relate. I have suffered from depression but feel that I am getting better. I smoke, divorced twice, unmotivated etc. Hope you get better soon!