I Wish I Was Someone Else Cuz I Hate Myself.

I know that life is beautiful . I am jealous of the people surrouding me who know how to be happy and to be in control.
Everything is going wrong and I will not blame the people I love.
Its all me.
I am shallow
I am selfish
I am stupid
I am lost
I am weak
I am unlovable

I am that way because of all the things I cant do.
I cant reach my goals
I cant love
I cant keep my word
I cant find happiness.

So, I wish I was someone else, anyone else but me...

miwwoo miwwoo
1 Response May 12, 2012

I think the very fact that you recognize your shortcoming is a strong indication that they aren't true, at least not entirely. You're not being fair to yourself! We all have faults, & believe me when I tell you that we're all self-critical sometimes; I know I am. But even the simple fact that you want to be a better person (just that feeling) means that there is more to you than the negative traits you describe. You're seeing areas where you would like to improve, but feel hopeless to affect such improvement. Well, guess what. You can do it.<br />
<br />
You can be whoever you want to be. That doesn't mean that you must be perfect, or never falter in your efforts. It means you are in control of making decisions about the course you want to live your life upon. If you feel that you cannot love, then start by loving yourself:<br />
<br />
Tell yourself, "I am a good person."<br />
<br />
Nobody's perfect, and we all make mistakes, but there's no doubt about it: that voice inside telling you those things you've done aren't good, *that* is the good person within you trying to guide you to the right path of life. Listen to that voice. It is not only who you want to be, but it is also who you truly are.<br />
<br />
As for this other person, the selfish, shallow one, we all have that person too. It does not own you, & it is not your keeper. Think of it as a pet, a hungry dog on a leash. It may pull on it's leash sometimes, but you, the good person inside, is in control. You have the strength to tame that beast & walk proudly in the light.<br />
<br />
Most of all, live in the present moment, not tormenting yourself with painful memories. That too is the dog chewing the leash.<br />
<br />
Just think of all the people who would *love* to know that sensitive, thoughtful, dependable person you have now put to the forefront of your being. I know I would.