I Hate Everything!!!!!!

I have no idea what is wrong with me, when I get drunk I get really emotional and become hystrerical and just **** everything up. Every time. I have very important end of year exams coming up and I haven't even started revising properly, because I'm can't concentrate. I feel very agitated and upset and angry with myself. I hate myself. In the past I have tried to end my life and I used to self harm. I just feel so confused about everything and I've been down this road before and I keep trying to fix everything but I never seem to learn from my mistakes and keep repeating them.
I feel at times like everything is going great but last night I have truly messed up with the guy that I've liked for over a year now. I got wasted off my face last night and just completely embarrassed myself and him. I don't know what to do and I have apologised but I think I've truly ****** up this time.
ihatemylyf ihatemylyf
18-21
May 13, 2012