Hate Is An Understatement

I cut, tried to kill myself, snap at the wrong times, stutter sometimes in class, I do poorly in school, my mom isn't pround of me anymore, my dad hates me, both of my grandmothers and my one grandfathers hate me, I am terrified of grown men, My hands sweat a lot, i have anxiety attacks. I could go on for forever. I everything about myself. I'm a horrible scared person. I'm mean to myself, and people that **** me off. I wish somebody would kill me so I don't have to kill myself. Drowning sounds nice at the moment...
Emofox Emofox
18-21, T
3 Responses May 15, 2012

You might take up martial arts; it will boost your confidence and reduce your fears, and if you really want to punish your body the exercises can't be beat—the results are good, too.<br />
As it is, you're not four anymore, and you are better able to protect yourself now. Don't let whoever hurt you ruin your life, fox.

What gives you anxiety attacks, and why are you scared of adult males?

I get anxiety attacks from pretty much everything. and I'm afraid of them bc I was sexually abused when I was 4 by a 24 yr old guy.

Wondered, that's how I got to be scared of males for a while. If you ever want to BS add me.

You sound like me when I was in school. Good thing is you have a media outlet to let out your feelings and I had to keep all of mine in. It's taken me all this time to finally get out everything that's been bothering me. I'm a teacher now and I think I gravitate to students like you because I understand. I have been and am suicidal and it's chemical/biological and something that I have to manage with meds and therapy. Have I had the best life? Nope. Some really crap stuff has happened to me, especially recently that has me terrified. But, I gotta keep on. And by the way, middle school is like the worst time ever. Wait until you get to high school and even college if you decide to go. You'll find more people just like you and it (pardon the saying but) it does get better. You'll get away from all the douchebags you're stuck in class with who make you miserable. Trust me, k? Chin up.