Sexuality Can Really **** Our Head Up.

I have always sort of liked girls. joked about and everything when one person found out i was bullied out my  A levels with good grades. i have had clinical depression for a long time and recently i feel so alone. its hard for me to eat or sleep. i really am not happy at all anymore. i have pretend to like guys but only end up hurting them and then making things worse for my self and for them. i am a truly selfish person. i feel embarrassed so easily and i am incredibly shy at times. i guess that just means i am a very insecure person. either that or i just need t get a grip. i would say I'm bi but  i don't know any more i had a little bit of thing with a girl while i was in school no one else knew but i had to end it just because i was scared of what people think she really liked me and i hurt her. now i regret it i miss er and wish i could tell her ow sorry i am but he is happy with some one else and was able to come out and admit to er self who she was and embrace it. I'm just a coward. 18 and i am scared to have  social life. i dont really get emotional attached to people any more i just sort of dwindle through life and talk to who i have to r only speak when i am spoked to. i do feel very lonely but i guess its the only time i feel safe because  don't have t worry what people think. i am so paranoid about my 'reputation' just a person. every one has flaws i just think i am a very broken person and thee is no use for me. i have 2 jobs and go to  new college i do a course hats no really anything i want to do with my life i just didnt want my family to think i was wasting my time. i dont feel like i am getting anywhere i ust hope something will happen and y life wil suddel eel better. i feel selfish i hae all off the things i need to live yet i am just so upset about how my mind is screwed over and my sexuality.
NothingSpecial098 NothingSpecial098
18-21, F
1 Response May 19, 2012

many go thought the same feeling as they earn to deal with there feeling just relax and learn to be friends and let things happen do not push one way ot ther other just go with your feelings is the best thing i can say