Failing

I hate myself so much for not being everything everyone wants and not being able to be around everyone when then need me. I feel like I stare defeat and hatred daily.
 
 I hate myself because I can't seem to do the right things, like money I have the worst habit of hearing friends saying they need this or someone hinting how they want help getting something and I can't say no and even though I'm financially suffering I still can't say no...

I hate myself because people think I'm strong but Im not I hate that people don't know the really me and I hate myself because I can't let anyone see it and I hate how I always seem to screw things up. I can't stand the fact that I seem to be along because my friends don't understand and my family doesn't realize that I'm only a few moments from yelling because I can't control my emotions and I use to be able to and I hate myself for taking it out on the wrong people.

I hate myself for letting my guard down for people who just continue to hurt me over and over again, and the weird part is I don't blame them because I should have known better, I hate myself because I know deep down that I turned the other way knowing very well how it would end, I hate myself more than them because for some reason I ignore the past people have and because of that I've been hurt so much.

I hate myself for how I look, and I know it's my own fault, but I walk 5 miles a day and I still look huge and i hate it, I hate how my emotions are all confused and how my mind wonders when I know it shouldn't. I hate myself for telling someone I need help, it makes me feel like Im a failure because I should be able to do most things on my own and I can't, I hate everything lately. And more and more it's myself I'm hating and I want it to change I need it to change but I don't know how.,,
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26-30
1 Response May 24, 2012

i feel the same way but ive become so emotionally detached to keep myself from dying that i cant even put it into words, i cant describe because ive mentally blocked myself from being able to. and theres yet another reason why i hate myself too... wtf do ppl like us do???