We All Know What It Feels Like

If you are a part of this group, then I guess you know. Maybe you hate your body or maybe you hate your personality. Or maybe you hate both, like me. But it sucks, especially since you know you have a much better life than a LOT of people out there. But here is what I feel and I need to tell someone.

Ever since I was about 11, I have been jealous of girls who had that perfect face, body, hair, skin etc. I wish I could look like them, in some way shape or form. My self esteem was so low and I have depression. I tried to tell myself I was pretty, but I can't even look in mirrors without wanting to cry. There was a time I took down the mirror in my bathroom because I couldn't look anymore. When I was 12 there would be nights I would cry myself to sleep because I wished I was different. I changed schools and nobody accepted me. My personality is unique, I like to make lots of jokes and have deep conversations with people. But I hate myself because I have depression and low self esteem even though I know so many people have it much worse off. When I was 13 I was hurt emotionally by a guy older than me. (I was betrayed group: A Letter To You).
Now I am in high school, with scars all over my body of where I have hurt myself. I have a boyfriend who loves me and supports me, but no matter how hard I try I can never seem to get better. I can't go to therapy because my parents don't believe in it and would freak if they knew how I really feel.

I just wish I could be happy again.
Whalegirl Whalegirl
13-15, F
1 Response Jun 14, 2012

Hi honey, i read your story, i wish i could give you a hug and tell you how special you are, how unique and how lucky you are to be born with a different personality away from the rest of people, i wish i could make you feel better,<br />
<br />
but you must have been out there before, on the cold loneliness of depths of the soul, i been there too, far too many time, and it sometimes feels like dying like you wish your hearth just stopped.<br />
<br />
what you probably dont know is how cruel is the world if you let it eat you, devour you and that is why you gotta fight back, otherwise nobody will care about you, you must shout kick and scream for your place, not shy away in a corner, only when you strive with advercity the best you comes out from within and peeople start to see actually how special and nice you are, you should try it, <br />
<br />
<br />
try to forget all the troubles and the pain from the past as heavy as they drag on you and try to start again from a new mentallity, a new inner you