Achieving Happiness

i feel like my life is meaningless. i feel excluded and betrayed. i feel as if i'm surrounded by people that would not care if tomorrow i was found dead with a hole in my head and a note describing why my life hasn't gone to plan and how i have no one to blame but myself. in this world i believe there is three types of people, those who make the rules, those who obey the rules and those who couldn't give a ****. i feel that i don't belong to any of these, therefore life is meaningless. in primary school as a child i felt self conscious around people and i would be judged for everything, for what i say,wear and do so at a young age i was always trying to be as some would say popular, this was unsuccessful in many ways and did quite the opposite so i decided when it came to choosing a secondary school to attend i would pick a school not spoiled by people from my primary school in order for a fresh start. this plan worked well for a while until the true nature of human beings came into play to feast on the lesser to further themselves, i'm stopped at a crossroad in my life, continue straight on, end this pain and suffering or fix it. its only now a realise even though i walk down this path of eventual demise there is many like me, people who understand me and are going through the same thing, i can either live the rest of my life to its full and think of what i have rather than what i don't or i can fell sorry for myself and cause my parents pain with suicide threats and anger. at the end of the day those who say do not do or in my case saying ill blow my brains out to my parents is nothing more than a plead for attention from an unloved child. it feels good being able to say this and even though all i have is pain and a pathetic attempt to kill myself i fell happy knowing that everyday brings about another chance to make things right.
Aharte Aharte
Jul 15, 2012