From the outside I look like I'm so happy. I have many friends. I have a fit body. I'm always told I'm pretty. I have great parents and a younger brother whom I love so much. I was in the best relationship of my life a year ago and now he's gone..in another country. I was too self conscious for him. I made up lies to make myself seem better than I was and he couldnt take my low self esteem. I love him still and a year later the pain still hasn't gone away. I hate myself for this. I hate myself for falling in love. I hate myself for being stupid. I hate myself for being insecure. I hate myself for not trying to get in touch before he left. I hate myself everyday.