I Cheated On The Love Of My Life

Two nights ago I cheated on my boyfriend, the person who I live with share my hopes and dreams with.
I am so disgusted with myself that I let myself down so bad, i've known the guy which I made the mistake with for years and he became my boyfriend's friend too. Which makes it so much worse.
I got so drunk with him whilst waiting for my boyfriend to come home and he kissed me and things lead to more than this. It didn't last that long at all and i felt no passion/lust towards him. I asked him to stop. I told my boyfriend straight away when he got home.
I am in complete wonder of why i did it because I love him so much and this other guy has been trying to get me for years. I really don't want to my partner to leave me, he's packed all his things but hasn't moved out. We had a chat last night and he said he loved me still but wants to move out.
I don't know whether to unpack everything, if it's worth it if he is going to go.
I know I still want to be with him and I know I've learnt that I have made the biggest mistake of my life by doing this.
Do people ever rekindle a relationship after they have experience such a blow? I know I want to so much.
Also before i met him I had come out of relationship where it lead me to attempted suicide, I have these thoughts now because I know this time it is my fault and nobody else.
shimmerofhope shimmerofhope
18-21
3 Responses Sep 24, 2012

Can I ask if you two managed to work through it or if not did you manage to forgive yourself?

You will get through this. Your life is worth so much. Just because you made a mistake, doesn't mean you should end it. If you are truly sorry, make sure you relay that to him with action's. Don't try to talk about it, in order to spare his feelings and if you are upset, start a journal. Write about it and then reflect. Whether or not he forgives you, doesn't mean your life isn't worth living. Everyone fails, all the time, get back up and try again. You really messed up, that's okay. God bless you.

Yes you made a mistake, but then you were a strong person to tell your love the truth, which believe me is a hallmark to your strength of character.....though it might not seem so to him right now, but give him time to come around...and if he does not(i really wish otherwise) i believe it's his loss, and about the suicide thing please dont even give it a second thought.... you have your whole life full of opportunities ahead of you....and i really dont want to go back on things i said about your character...you are wonderful....be strong...god bless.