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For As Long As I Can Remember

I have hated myself. I have been in and out of counseling for 14 years.. It really doesn't help.

I am a **** up of epic proportions.

I have 1 child and he is riddles with issues ( adhd, oppositional disorder and mildly autistic) Who as much as I love I hate.

I have a husband who should be nominated for saint hood. He stepped in where no man would and is raising my child as his own. His selflessness makes me sick.

I do nothing, I don't like leaving the house, I hate cleaning and even when i am in an alright mood my best laid plans always go wrong.

I am obese and cannot stop eating, nor can I commit to exercising regularly.

I want to change and be a happy person with pride in myself. but I have nothing to be prideful of.

penguinswaddle penguinswaddle 26-30 4 Responses Jul 25, 2008

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Here is a link to a Free Personal Development Audio Book - I hope you can gain something from it :-)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SWDiXN8nAx4&feature=youtu.be

Don't blame yourself if your child has adhd, oppositional disorder and mildly autistic problems ... Its not your fault.. he was born that way..<br />
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Like as Doc 69 says, just take small steps each day and just be content for even achieving that one small step! <br />
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Just don't be too harsh on yourself... I know what its like to self blame. It doesn't really get you anywhere and you fall deep into depression..

You are a brave person to be strong enough to take care of and love a child with issues, you don't hate him you just hate the fact that he has issues you can't fix on your own. You are blaming yourself for things you can't change or fix over night; set goals, small steps are better then no steps. I am having the same issues with my weight and i have a son who is going down a path that is going to lead him to prison if he doesn't change, but I have soon realized that no matter how many times I ground him or beat his ***, he is the only one that can make the right choices for himself. He is 16 going on 36 and I can't change his way of thinking no more then you can change the fact that your child has or is adhd, oppositional disorder and mildly autistic. Give your self more credit for the good things and quit blaming yourself for the bad things that have happened in your life. We all deserve credit for something we have done in our lives , most of us just can't see it!

Sounds like you may have depression issues. Have you seen anyone for that?