This Is Me, This Is How I Feel, This Is What I Am.

Uhm...hi? I'm 14 years old, have average manic depression and paranoia personality disorders and they make me highly dislike who I am and judge everything I do. I've been bullied since I was 8 because of choices I have made. I have a few friends and a girlfriend but they don't know about how I am and how I feel. I get paranoid that my friends will leave and that is because of past experiences with things like that. I cut myself, but I haven't for 36 days. I have tried to commit suicide once. I told someone about my problems but they didn't help they just told everyone about it which made it worse. Since I have paranoia I get afraid that my girlfriend will leave because it usually happens, I constantly wonder what people think of me and I hate going to school every day because every morning I get bullied and made fun of by the same people who used to be my friends.

Seeya.
JasonPol JasonPol
13-15
1 Response Nov 26, 2012

Jason,

You don't realize it now but everything your going through now is because you need to. I know this doesn't make sense but please believe me I wish someone had explained this to me the way I am for you so I wouldn't have hated myself for so long...Let me start like this..someone once asked me if I knew why my life was so hard and me being the rebellious hateful person I was at the time was like "no please tell me..." and they did. They told me I was an angel on earth and life is not going to be easy because I'm here to help others..well needless to say that didn't help cause I was like WELL GREAT!
The kids bullying you now most likely won't even be part of your life 5 years from now. They also are only bending to peer pressure. See they only bully you so they won't get bullied. Its mean and no fair but you should feel sorry for them..They have no mind of their own. You do. that scares people. Don't change so other people can be comfortable because that's their problem not yours. When you go home at the end of the day and look in the mirror you don't see them. You see you! Your all that matters! You will never face anything that you are not strong enough to deal with.. You are unique and special and one day you are going to help somebody by telling them everything you have been through and how you overcame them. When everything seems too hard to bear then remember ....you are here to teach somebody else something and that the things happening to you are for a bigger purpose..it will be hard but you are strong and able to do it. You don't know what your future holds yet. Don't be sad or hate yourself because you are missing out on life. Learn as much as you can so you can pass it on..You are more important than you know.. BE STRONG you'll get through it.