Depressed Or Happy, Drunk Or........nah Definatley Drunk

I am here after seeing numerous different posts, this actually seems I can get some things off my chest and maybe a few answers. I am 28 working for a good company and otherwise should be doing great in life, but I am not, living with someone 11 years my elder, have been since I was only 16 she was 27, supported and raised 3 children by myself from that point. Do not get me wrong I love my boys more than anything, they were 5, 7 and 8 when i started raising them, they are currently 16, 18 and 19. The 16 and 18 are still in our house. but it seems all I have done is struggle, and I am all about the back breaking work I got a job as a carpenter.....well wood toter at 16 and moved my way up to carpenter after a few years. But it seems as tho all I do is try and try, only to be met by constant resiliance. I found out a year or two ago she was cheating on me, after supporting and raising our family for over 10 years, I was in the military at that time, I did 4 years aboard a submarine. I swallowed it and pushed on for our kids....but it seems like through out the last 13 years thats all I have done, buckle down and bust my *** for what?!? Now the kids almost grown are doing ok, one has moved out and is very productive But still I feel like I have gone wrong somewhere, I know I should leave repeatidly but stick it out and I believe we are better for it. She now has a job, I put her through school but still, I have been drinking like a fish since I was 16, smoking more grass than willie nelson, and already attempted suicide a number of times only to have it covered up and pushed back to the working front. I am not posting this ti *****, I just wonder is there anyone else out there who has gone through the same thing? Are there people you can talk to or blow off steam, anything? It feels like i gave everything for this family and have almost nothing to show. It is getting to the point again where suicide is a daily thought. when it happened in the Military they just asked me if i was "sure" i was having these thoughts and of course I said no the second and third times because they locked me up during the first when I was screaming for help. I know I cant be the only one going through this, i have read simialr stories about it. Any comments, advise or even insults are welcome...I struggle constantly with myself im sure theres nothing u could call me or say to me that would insult or offend me, just reassure that side of myself that says them already.
Bradnail Bradnail
26-30, M
1 Response Nov 26, 2012

you're not the only one man.

and there are ways out - there are ways to work through all this and reach a better place.

i'm not a preacher or anything like that, so i've got nothing to recommend or preach.

but you sound like a good guy. and i believe good things will come your way. search for them. search for answers.

write back. i want to know how you're doing.