For Failing So Badly At Being Me

I hate myself so much... It seems that I can only fail and let people down. That's the only thing I achieve constantly. I have been in thearpy, spent tons of money on myself, and for what? Absolutely nothing. I am exactly at point 0. Except for the fact that now I am taking some pills I was not taking then. That's about it. That's about all the difference I have made in my life since. WTF is wrong with me that I just can't move from this friggin' place?
Mapping Mapping
26-30, F
3 Responses Nov 27, 2012

sometimes i fell like that but dont worry you will get better

Don't hate yourself. Please... nothing good will come form that. And you are wrong. I know what you're going through, in a way. It feels like each day you're pushing against a wall closing in on you. And it feels like nothing you do ever makes a difference. But, because of all that you have done, things have remained the way they are, rather than becoming worse. And they would have, without a doubt - but you fought back.
I believe in you. Believe in me. I know you. You are better than me. The strength you carry inside of you is only matched by your kindness. You can win this. Don't hate yourself.

Well, focusing on not disappointing yourself is much more important than trying to please others expectations of you. It's extremely difficult to be happy when you're thinking of others all time. Maybe just take a step back from the world, and explore who you really are, what needs of you're own that you're not fulfilling. I find that always helps me set my mind back into balance.

I don't really see how not to dissapoint myself. I've kind of given up on trying a long time ago. I wouldn't know where to begin to focus on myself..

I had to re-learn as well. I'd spent my whole life trying to make everyone else happy, because I thought I couldn't be. You just have to keep trying, keep discovering what you've locked up inside for all that time.

What if I'm too much of a coward to discover it?

I think you already know the answer.

My therapist used to tell me that all the time. Drove me mad :)) Most of the times, though, I do know the answer. Other times I'm just confused...

2 More Responses