Why Live?

have you ever looked at a photograph full of people and noticed one person in the crowd and though woh shes so ugly, well thats me. i have been 5ft 8 since i was 13, unable to blend in with people my own age when i desperately wanted to. I have loathed myself since i was 10 years old. i became overweight when my best and only friend left me to go half way around the world when i was 9, and i ate to help my feelings. I was teased every year at school, no matter what school i went to. random people in the streets called me names and threw food at me. When i was 14 i fancied this guy, of course he didnt like me back, i am way too ugly for him, he and his friends loved to tease me about it, he got his friends to text me, pretending to be his girlfriend to yell and insult me on the phone.People at school loved to insult me, put chewing gum in my hair, throw things at me and PE just gave everyone lots of opportunities to laugh at me. My life was worthless, i was worthless, and nothing has changed. I tried cutting my wrists, the physical pain becoming a brief relief from the emotional pain, and then that no longer helped. with my sister already on anti depressants and seeing therapists, my mother was struggling to deal with her, and so I never told her how despised myself and wished to end my life. when i became 17, i was huge, people called my scary because i frowned at everyone, terrified they would speak to me and ridicule me. i told my friends i liked a boy, so they decided to tell people and kiss this boy in front of me before asking me if i wished i was in their place. My grandma died of cancer that year, and i so desperately wanted to go with her. what is the point of life? my life means nothing, i have done nothing worthwhile and i see no point in continuing. Everytime i see a picture of myself i cry, and self harm, my imagine is just disgusting. if people tell me im pretty, i know they're lying, people stare at me because im ugly and i stand out, i want so much to be able to just blend into the crowd and disappear. i cant talk about my feelings, when i try to they rush at me and the urge to just stab myself is so strong, so i just continue life as normal, until oneday it will finaly be over!! if you read this and you plan on having kids, then just remember that the worst thing you can do is let your child be fat, being fat and ugly made my life a thousand times harder and i would gladly end it all in a second.
countoloaf countoloaf
3 Responses Dec 2, 2012

The first step in solving a problem is acknowledging its bases. You know you are over weighted, at such a young age. Why dwell on this situation and make it worse by cutting and harming your body, when you can find many other solutions? Find a good nutritionist and begin following a strict diet. Obesity can cause you serious illness. You're very young to give up. And over weight doesn't make you ugly, it makes you unhealthy. Think of it from this way. In addition to that, you can direct your emotional senses to something other than food. I know that you're filling a gap by eating lots of food, but you need to start thinking of other options. Everyone has a hobby in life. I like reading for instance. Indulging in a hobby has helped me through loneliness and depression. sometimes a human is not the best pal you can find. I found my best friend is the book. Don't tell me you have no hobby. Just remember what you like and get involved with it.
I advice you also to talk with your mother, Have courage to confess about what's bothering you. That will not burden her because mothers love to know. If you were your mother, and your daughter came to you for help you will not let her down right? Speak out, and enough with self-regret.
As for mean people, you don't need to worry about them. People revenge from their own difficulties in abusing innocent girls like you. Remember also that beauty comes from within not from the outside. Look in the mirror, close your eyes and smile, then open your eyes. you will find a new person. The point is, if you try being happy from the inside you will see yourself beautiful.
Please don't harm your body or cry about your looks. Life will stay gloomy if you don't start acting now. Find the will and make a choice to become better, and then you will feel better. Stay healthy, and Stay Strong :)

How wonderfully said...

Thank you. I'm glad you liked it, and I hope that it might help :)

When I read this I thought this must be fake. Either your the strongest person in the world or you're making this up.

I am so sorry that people are such ******** that they felt the need to make you feel this way..I know you don't know me and it probably doesn't mean much but you ARE supposed to be here. You are just as important as anybody else...If anybody says any different then good...tell them thank you for their opinion but it doesn't matter cause they don't matter..it's just one less person you have to pretend to like anyways...Nobody should ever take the fact away from you that you deserve to be left alone in peace..I used to be filled with HATE I mean hate for myself hate for people..I too got really fat but I did it on purpose to see how fat I could get..it was a twisted self hatred thing..then I hated myself for being so fat...then I turned really mean...I was terrible...I went through alot..tried suicide..didn't work..had no real friends, two failed marriages and then i realized...I CAN change everything! I wAs going to show everybody..I was going to get REVENGE! I was going to lose weight just so I could be mean back to everyone who was ever mean to me and do all those terrible things back to them. I wasn't going to hate myself ...I was going to hate them...I started losing weight..it was hard but I started going to the library and learning how to be healthier.. I was obsessed.. I didn't even have time to pay attention to them any more..I wanted to see how I could get skinny in the fastest easiest way without hurting myself...man even if they were talking about me ...I didn't notice cause I was taking care of me..I learned to eat more vegetables..start taking chromium picolinate when I ate food to digest it better and to take liquid b complex for energy and a better mood...I learned all this neat stuff..then I started an exercise plan..one I could do...it started off little with small walks with my headphones on so I couldn't hear peoples comments then I started sit ups at night then I started classes at the rec that were free and even got to meet new people..I went to a dct and found out I had PCOS and that makes it harder for women to lose weight and started researching that...I was so busy all of a sudden..I didn't have time for others...I always wore headphones with music I liked so I wouldn't hear people and their bad comments if they had any...I started feeling better about myself slowly but surely..before long I had made myself a whole new life and didn't realize it.. I felt happier..I was more energetic, and the weight started coming off...Its a long process..alot of studying and learning about yourself and your habits...man I lost so much weight I became a ********...LOL! The best part of it all was I didn't hate anymore..nobody bothered me anymore and well...damn...I looked good...See hon you cannot change the past.. but you can change your future and help someone else later down the road...If you were to die tonight who's life might suffer cause you weren't in it or even worse..who knows you might be a mom to a great inventor or leader one day...If you were gone ... none of this will happen..God never gives you more than you can handle..He made you perfect just the way you are...You are so strong and your so young...Don't give up because you ARE supposed to be here! If you ever need to talk ...look me up...I'm a great listener..oh...and by the way..Im a mom now..If I would have died all those years back..I wouldn't be loved by the greatest kids a person could have now! The future is ahead and its a blank slate waiting for you to write on......Good Luck...Much Love and Light..