Im Sorry Im Not Perfect..............................

hey,
thats how i greet poeple, hey i say with a massive, lovable, warm and laughing smile but the sad thing is my smile is fake. it's not what im feeling therfore i wish to cry but instead i hide that emotion away, that emotion that traps my happiness and it feels like forever because there never seems to be an end to this hell! sometimes i just want to flood the world with tears and tell them how i truely feel, what i really wanna say but in other poeples eyes, that will be my fakery! you see poeple see me as a happy, loud, silly, funny girl that loves to flirt with boys, laugh aloud and talk all day and night. That was me................. untilmy mum died 4 years ago
:( i miss her like mad, she was diognosed with breast cancer, i really do wish i got to spend her ending and breathless days with me showing her how much i love her but... i guess fighting at home wasn enough so she had to stay in the hospital, day and night. I was only 8 when she died, now im older than ever and more lost than ever. My dad remarried to make life easier but.... life for me is nothing like easy. It's scary, annoying, depressing for me, like a bad chapter that will never ever end. My step mum, literally turned my whole world upside down! She twisted it, burnt it, RUINED it and right now im full of hate, regret, all because of her! I never pictured my self cutting or punching walls, listening to depressing music nor hating myself but this lady showed another side to me one that only god knew i was capable of!
She makes me look at myself in the mirror and believe that im fat and ugly. She tells me looking at my self in the mirror is a waste of time because im ugly and i shouldent think that im pretty because the truth was that im not! That i should wear large clothes because im fat and i eat alot. Looking in the mirror for me is like a horror show, all i see is ugliness and worthlessness! I'v stopped eating, only drinking water, because like she said i should lose weight because my body is too big for my age and i should lose my huge *** and flabby stomach! She is the reason my other siblings have left home, she is the reason my brother has ended up in joovy 5 times this year and the reason my dad is so fed up with me, he hates me. The only one true person that will ever love me like a parent should or a friend, just that one person i need the most, hates me!
He is also fighting with her non stop every day because of ME!
She is turning my dad against me!
i have so so much more i would love to say but really didnt wanna bore you with the details!
please, please help me!!!
good advice please!
TiredOfSmilingFake TiredOfSmilingFake
13-15, F
3 Responses Dec 4, 2012

Don't hate yourself i bet ur awesome

Oh my number is 805-921-6110

Lets txt wats it number