Frankly, Mr. Shankly, This Position I've Held....

This is something I've never told anyone. It's disgusting and I'd rather not think about how mentally ****** up I am.

This year I've taken up being a 'sugar baby.' It's not exactly safe and It's a pretty stupid thing for anyone to do. Bullshit aside... it's prostitution.You never know what you're going to get at first with anyone. People lie about who they are all the time. It doesn't matter how many times you talk about it and you're promised you'll be safe. **** happens.

I and a sugar daddy got a room. We were going to have sex with each other for the first time. We had talked and gone out a few times before. I thought I knew what to expect. He had a bag with him. I didn't know what was in it and I was afraid to ask. I should've stopped and refused to go any further until I knew what it was... but I didn't.

I went along with it. When I was nude, he had me lie down on the bed while he went through the bag he had brought. He didn't say a word. I looked straight up at the ceiling. I was afraid. I didn't know what was going to happen. I had an uneasy feeling and I was afraid to turn to see what he was doing. He walked over to me and put wrist and ankle cuffs on me. We had never discussed that. He didn't say anything while he put them on me and I was afraid to speak or even move.

I thought, 'Am I going to die? Is this it? I hope it is. I hope he ******* kills me. I really do.' I wanted to die. I was hoping that he'd ******* kill me or do something horrible to me. I didn't say a word. He used a rope to tie my cuffs down. I was tied down to the mattress. Completely unable to move. He then blindfolded me.

I waited. I wanted to die. Or feel pain. Something.

I didn't get what I wanted. He asked me if I was okay and if my restraints were too tight. We had sex and not much else happened.

That happened several months ago. Anything could've happened then. I'm still doing this ****. I hate myself so much sometimes that I don't care what happens to me. I could've died in that hotel room and I wouldn't have given a ****.
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Dec 5, 2012