Hate

I don't have a mom, I don't talk to my dad. I hate what I have become, I try my best but im still this ****** fat loser who no one will love or respect. I don't respect myself and I don't feel like anyone should. At this point in my life I just hope I can make others happy because at least then I can know someone else is happy even though I hate myself. This does not make me good person im still **** and I hope that I can change on persons life in a positive manner at least once so I can die happily. The people who love me I feel bad for because I break promises and I can't do anything for them when they do so much for me.
forest02 forest02
18-21, M
1 Response Dec 8, 2012

Are you sure there is nothing you can do for those who love you? Maybe even keeping one promise can turn that around. It's most difficult to pick oneself up once at the point of self-loathing (I'm there too) but we have two options, continue to feel unworthy of respect and love and swim in our kiddie pools of self pity and un-forgiveness, or we can accept the fact that we ****** up hard and let everyone who loved us down, that we are unworthy of this sacred gift of life but we have been given it regardless and we can choose to do nothing with it or at least try to do something worth a damn with it. We have to simply let go of everything that's happened before us and grow the **** up, otherwise we're going to die very lonely and very shamed. Something small but huge, have you picked up the litter in your neighborhood? when I get super depressed I go out with a bag and knock out a couple of streets of litter, you'd be surprised at how much better it can make you feel. (Not in the "oh look at me I didn't something good today" way but the "Well took care of business" way) Think about how rare it is to do something as simple yet profound as even that. A rock star for instance can accomplish all sorts of dreams and feats but may never actually do one thing to make an impact on the world while a couple of dead beats like you and me can make real **** happen, Losers FTW :)