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Whats Life

I'm 30 year's old male grew up in a very tough home watched my mom stab my dad at 5. Hatreds always been apart of my growing up from being sexually abused to threatened to be killed i learn to hate. Well I'm married now and i can't seem to get it right just wish i were dead.for those of you worried about looks hold your head up there is life out there regardless of how you look...
ranchcowboy ranchcowboy 26-30 6 Responses Dec 31, 2012

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In life there are positive and negative experiences, might not like all the lessons but we learn from them all----that is how we gain our wisdom and our truth. Don't let negatives define you, let the positive truth of your love radiate your being. When you can forgive yourself and others, you understand the power of love. Watch Fatima the movie, true story. Enjoy, My Friend

My mom told me my dad once tried to throw me out the window in 30 floored apartment.. Since then, and for other reasons, i hated my dad so much i once stabbed him with a pencil in his back..

Thanks everyone for your time don't pitty me just raise your kid's different so they won't be messed up

this is very heavy. i understand your pain and anger, and i hope that you can realize that you, your marriage, and your future life are worth much more than what you wish about disappearing. i have issues with anger and rage, and can't seem to keep a lid on most times. i personally find that a therapist, a psychiatrist and a good support group are worth more than their weight in gold. hang in there and start looking at healthier ways to channel your anger and trauma.

I can't say I know what your going through, nor can I say its a horrible life. The past is the past, it doesn't matter any more. I know that is easier said then done, saying that you shouldn't dwell. Because Trauma isn't easily forgotten. We all have scars, some worse then others. Obviously most of them are unseen. Everyone can mend their life, they just got to see it themselves. Its never too late, and its never a waste of energy or time. Being happy, thats all that matters. In the end, the only one's who can help us is ourselves. There are others who can reach out a hand to you, whether strangers or love ones, but those hands can only give you so much help before you yourself take your own hand. Try to look at your past as a way to learn, not as a horrible occurrence. Try to smile about it, look at yourself and see whats good about you. Hatred is to be let go, forgive yourself. One must first forgive themselves before they can forgive others. And no matter what, try and try again to love yourself and everyone around you. Focus on yourself. Focus on the now. Try meditation...clearing the inner voice from your head, truly connecting with your physical form. Feel the vibration that irks the body you live in. Once you get a feel for the body you were given, once you feel you know it, dig deeper, and face yourself, your true self. Accept everything. Your past, your future, your now. Your demons and your angels. Its all you...but at the same, none of it is you. You are who you are...

Our past is not who we are
Our past does not define us
Past and History are our knowledge
Pasts are our Journey

Do not confuse who you are with your past
It is the biggest mistake one could make...
to confine who you really are in the confined reality of the past.
We are now.

Thanks your exactly right

Therapy really might help a lot.
It sounds like you grew up in a war zone...since that's how you grew up it's going to be real hard not to re-create that.
But it's not your fault all this crap happened to you.
Other people left a giant mess in your head.
It's up to you to mend the mess. That's not fair, but that's how it is.
If you don't you won't have the life you could have had.

I've tried that but thanks.cattle and wild horse's is the only thing that helps me I'm actually here to try and help other's who still have a chance

I would have tried that, but I'm spectacularly allergic to horses and cattle...

Sometimes i am especially first thing in the morning ... lol