****** Up And A Mess

I hate everything about myself. i hate the who ive become. i hate the way i speak to my mother. i hate the way i look. i hate the fact i carnt stop drinking. i hate the fact that i pity myself. i hate the fact im 17 and have sex with someone who doesnt care about me and unless its about sex we dont speak a word, just sit in silence and predend this is what i want. i hate that i find it hard to smile or laugh without forcing it. when im with people i can feel fine but i hate being on my own, when all i can think about is thing ive done or said. i hate that im thowing my life away.i hate the fact that friends just dont understand. i hate that no one knows whats going inside my head. i hate that i want to die. i hate that i carnt find the courage to get help..
alliseeisdarkness alliseeisdarkness
18-21
Jan 5, 2013