This Is Me?

I wake up and already feel like killing myself.
When I was young I watched my mother and father get beat and had a gun pointed in my face. Yet I feel the scariest thing is how I treat myself. I wish I could say that was the end of all the bad things that happened to me, but that's only a small fragment of a whole life.
I grew up fast and stayed away from anyone who looked interested in me. What I should of done was stay away from everyone. I grew enraged as I got older, about all that had happened and took it out on my best friend and my mom. I was not a nice person and I when I looked in the mirror all I saw was a monster. I wanted to change badly so I started taking it all out on myself after all it was my fault for hurting others with my words that were meant for some other people.
Now my body is covered in scares and I am still in so much pain. The only person I seem to hate, however, is myself. I can't even look in the mirror and I can barely wake up. I've had one failed suicide attempt and one successful, I was revived.
Sad thing is I still feel the comfort in death despite how much I try to hold on I feel I might slip again. The only reason I keep myself here is a promise to my mother, that I won't die before her.
Ecruz2020 Ecruz2020
22-25, F
1 Response Jan 8, 2013

Read i dont know what to do anymore. I responded to it-but i left my testimony on there,i can relate to you in away(kinda similar)