I'm Worthless

I wish I knew why I was such a horrible person. I try to convince myself that feeling guilty about it somehow makes it better, but it doesn't. I wish I was a good person but I guess it's just in my nature to be the worst I can be. I'm quiet. I keep to myself. And then suddenly this group of people surround me and tell me I'm great. But then I keep making all of these mistakes and being a itch and suddenly people actually hate me. There was this boy who was once my friend, today I told him and some other people I would bring them food in the morning at school. And with the most distane I have ever heard from anybody he says "if YOU touched it then I won't eat it." I have never felt so hated and I have never felt so deserving of such things. But now I do. And if I were him I would hate me too. "She may look sweet on the outside but on the inside she's a stone cold *****." That's something else he said to me. And he's right. I've been alone.for so long worrying that I might be mean to people that want to be friends, and now those fears have been realized. The only possible way I feel I can let everyone know how sorry I am is by hurting myself, but I can't bring myself to do it. How do I let them know that I know they're right about what they say? How do I let a whole school know that I don't deserve any kindness? How come I can't stop screwing things up?
An Ep User An EP User
Jan 8, 2013