Alone

I wish I could say I have no friends, don't have fun, don't have loving parents, and I live in a ****** neighborhood. But I have all of those things. I can go out with 10 people and smile and crack jokes on the outside, but feel completely alone and horrified with myself on the inside. If something happens to go wrong (a bad grade, a bad shot at practice, not doing everything ABSOLUTELY PERFECT) I beat myself up to the point where I just want to leave everything behind and go. I don't know what to do, because when I try to slyly bring up these feelings in conversation with friends, they've never experience anything like this, only furthering these feelings of being alone. Then, I feel like a pansy for having these thoughts, and get even madder at myself. I honestly want to collapse in a heap and sob on the daily. I just can't seem to do anything without finding a flaw in it and blowing it up to the point of where I want to hurt something just to get an ounce of the anger out. And the worst part is, tomorrow I'll wake up, go to school, laugh and joke, and pretend like nothing's wrong. What can I do but repeat this vicious cycle?
auerbach3 auerbach3
18-21
4 Responses Jan 9, 2013

I get this.

were kind off similar you can talk to me whenever

I feel very similar to this... Every day- every single day... I feel so alone because I feel as if no one can understand how I feel.
When I found this site something inside me felt lifted... And after reading this I feel even more; I am not alone, and neither are you. I know how you feel and I share the same sense of lose and frustration.
We are both here to talk about these things, so let us talk and get through this together. That is... If you want my company.

"Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care.And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." ~ Jesus (Matthew 10: 21-31)
Look to Jesus and POUR your heart out to him in prayer, nothing you say will surprise or shock God. Isaih 40:10 says: "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
I have already prayed for you <3