Because I Am A Real Mess!

I actually don't know why I am writing as I don't even have hope to get an answer to feel better.
It is my first time I am posting a thing on Internet, and I'm sorry if you find a lot of English mistakes as I am really stupid, and it's true. I came up with this idea when I started my graduate studies. I left my country while I had a bachelor degree, but the thing was I never studied well in my undergrad, and when I decided to start my graduate studies I fooled my supervisor with a lot of lies about my future (but not the past). He accepted me, he gives me fund, that's why I can afford to live and also the school. I actually didn't want to lie, I thought I can, but soon I realized I can't, I can't even give up I need that fund (there is lot problem with the other choices) and nobody helps me they all say "You should do it yourself, that's your problem". I always had a thinking about suicide, for a while I stopped that, but now it's again coming back. I didn't exaggerate if I say I am the most stupid person in the university. I have no brain, I can't understand what people say as my listening is too bad, I don't have any idea about any topics, I can't talk to people because I have no clue how to start, I read thing about how to communicate with people and find friend, but seriously I can't talk to people or continue the conversation, my colleagues never talk to me, the guys always run from me in an absolutely weird manner. My supervisor also ignores me and he is too disappointed from me. Nobody around like me, and it make sense because I am too boring, too pessimistic, too sad, people always want to talk about happy things, and there is no any happiness in my life. I don't enjoy nature, movies, sport, party!, alcohol, club, and briefly "I enjoy nothing in this world". I can't even pretend to make people happy. I am always alone with my computer! I even hate to hear any compliment from people, I think they are just saying that or they say it to everyone. I am too hopeless. I wish there were someone shoot me in head.
An Ep User An EP User
1 Response Jan 11, 2013

don't say that, you are smart everyone is, i know what you need, you need some motivation just like i did at one point i know it's hard like really hard but you can get through your problems, and hey! if you need a friend to talk to just let me know. i will gladly hear you out and if you don't know what to say i'll bring up something =)