Will You Be Able To Understand Me??

I am a married woman living in the middleast, holding a PhD degree in business, a translator, used to be alecturer, trainer. Look successful! I don't feel so. I am a complete failure in my life. I have 3 children from a first marriage: my eldest 23 years is a complete failure (everyone around me says it was me who spiled him), I sent him to UK when he was 17 but he failed even to attend classes (I spent a fortune and took a bank loan for this), I sent him to Malaysia to study Multimedia upon his wishes(he failed again even to attend classes and lots of lies and and), I made him joined a very decent job in a communication field(still he failed to prove his seriousness and attendence). He is now at home and I look at him as an example for my fialure . My daughter 20 years is complete succes (study quality control in the university), my third son is a tragedy (he died last May as a result of a motorbike accident- 16 years old). I remarried 13 years ago to another married man (yes I agreed to be a second wife- in Islam it is allowed), and had a boy who is now 8 years old. my marriage was a bad decision I think. I am not happy, I cannot even remember when there was a laughter in the house. evertime we have a disagreement like now he takes my 8 years son and disappear for days and days. He says he won't leave his son with me, and I think he wants to keep him close to his brothers and sisters just in case I decided to leave him because he feels I am not happy, although I sacrifised my old life for him, no firends, no social life, even my family members he always have something to say about them. I feel devasted by the death of my 16 years old son, the failure of my 23 years old son, the dispappearance of my 8years old son, and my unhappy marriage). I am a total failure. Do not what to do with myself...... I hate everything around me... and I hate myself!!!
ArabianChocolate ArabianChocolate
46-50, F
3 Responses Jan 12, 2013

i feel you somehow.. xx best wishes may allah bless your journey in life xxx

i know it is difficult to understand in first stage
can u share about that where r u now and u r contact information
we can discuss in detail to understand nicly

my dear all these happend for ur improvement but u r not able to understand the reason why it is with u so if u discuss with me i have trust that i wil be able to make u sure the real benifits of all these tragedies bcz i m also in middle east and toooo much aware of every thing going on here

Thanks for ur reply, but I can't see what you r saying. I am totally in a dilema. sometimes I think I runaway from everything and just vanished so all of them will know what they miss. Other times I think I should just continue what I am doing, but I feel like I have no energy or power to lift a finger.

If it is not offending question may I ask if you r a male or female? because my husband checks my emails, my phones....sorry but that is the case specially if you lkive in the middleast u will understand where I am coming from. Many thanks for ur support in all cases.

i m male
and i m living in doha qatar
allah made difference by body but every human has same ROOH
so for feelings it is not matter male or female
good friendship has only feelings relation which is based on ROOH