I Want Me To Disappear!!

I hate being mentally disabled. I hate being abandoned by my birth parents when I was born because I was a piece of trash. I hate being adopted. I hate being unwanted or unloved since I am always worthless. I hate being a dropout and failure who has no qualification, job and income. I am an adult, but I am still financially dependent on my adoptive parents. I hate being incapable of giving my partner a future he hopes for. I have failed all my suicide attempts. How ****** up I am! I am just such an idiot/loser who could not even kill myself right. I deserve nothing but punishment and death.
SomewhereTomorrow SomewhereTomorrow
18-21, F
1 Response Jan 14, 2013

You hate yourself, because you were born with a disability? You hate yourself because your parents were idiots and left you? Tell me, how is any of that, even in the remotest way, your fault? I can imagine why you wouldn't like being adopted, but isn't that better than being left out on the streets? Helpless, cold, alone? You could've been picked up a human trafficking gang, caught a fatal disease, if you live near the woods..you could've been taken away by a wild animal, do you realize? You are not always 'worthless', who says that, or why do you think you are? Being a dropout, having no income and being dependent on your parents doesn't make you a failure. Giving up does. When you accept your fate, or try to run away from it, that's when you fail. You could be 30 and living with your parents, but as long as you're trying, you're not a failure. What made you think that those things make you a failure anyway? Are you trying to live up to the expectations of your parents? Your friends? Or the society itself? Who are you trying to impress? Listen to me, the only way you can succeed, is by not thinking what others think OF you. Don't give a damn about their opinions of you, they haven't been through what you have, what gives them the right to be so judgmental about you? Answer me?
Incapable of giving your partner what you want? He wouldn't be your life partner if you weren't enough for him! That's how it works! You don't need to be what others want you to be, understand? As long as you keep changing and let your path be shaped by others, I promise you, you'll never be satisfied. Because some idiot some where will always be disappointed