Feeling More Dead Than Alive

You know when your surrounded by people, but still feel completely alone?
Or when you know people care, but you have no idea why?
Or when you care so much about someone, but you feel as if they just don't care for you anymore?
Or that that person who once cared, has found someone better, and they replace you?
Or when you're just laying in bed, hoping that if you just lay there for a while, you'll dissapear, and no one will notice you're gone?
This is how I feel at the moment..
Like no one is here.
Like sooo many people care, but I have no idea why.
That that guy I've mentioned just doesn't care anymore.
Or that he's found someone more worthy of his care, like I thought he would.
I'm just hoping my bed will absorb me, and I'll just be forgotten as soon as I'm gone.
I feel like a lost cause.
As if my purpose is non-existent.
Like hurting myself wouldn't affect anyone anymore.

It doesn't feel very good...
Ashlovesmcr Ashlovesmcr
13-15, F
1 Response Jan 14, 2013

There is an unwritten communication to everything we say. When i say "I hate myself" , I usually mean that I am deeply dissatisfied with where I am in life and the things I have done. I guess that I cannot feel sorry for myself and look to my past. I'd rather think about today and all the good things I did for myself. In essence, you are not at fault here. The world is the way it is , because our parents and our elders brought us into this world. Now I know that life can be chaotic, but there are reasons and responsibilities we need to challenge ourself with. I encourage you and myself to start following our dreams. They are there to make us feel better.

My dream doesn't want me.

I think self-knowledge is the most important thing if that is even possible. I guess life is a story and I usually can't see what is going on. Maybe if you keep a journal. That way, you will find some thing to measure your self against as time passes. Follow your passions and it's fine to go against the status quo. Just be discreet about it.

I've never been able to do that xD even when I was happy. It just doesn't work for me.

Start at the foundation, take care of your self. Make your health the ultimate priority. Find out ways to best spend your time. Go for long walks and focus not on the distance you travel, but the inspiration by which you travel. Hopefully, it will get better. I know that without someone with you, life is just impossible. Just understand how absurd life really is, then maybe, you will feel better.

Life is absurd. **** it.

Sorry, but I meant that life is a combination of an external story that life is a logical process of steps, and an internal biological impulse to survive and grow. I guess what I meant to say was that you should try to actualize your self. That is, try and make who you really are, your true self, meaningful in an external sense of the world. That way, you never die, and you will connect the internal drive to be alive with the external drive to find meaning.

I want to die. Living forever would suck

You are doing the right thing. You are reaching out. I wish there was someone there to help you. Look in the mirror. Smile at yourself. Believe that there is a person there. Just be conscious of that living person. You are worth so much. The world is holding you back. The world is a story you did not write. Instead, start your own story. There is no "off" button. I tried to end my life. There is no end. The best thing to do is change your perception. Imagine your self as the most beautiful person. After a while, you will feel it. And do you know the most beautiful thing? It is the truth. And the truth is that right now, you are alive. You are breathing. That is the most beautiful thing.

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