Hating Me...

I hate myself.
Its as simple as that. I can't stand looking in the mirror because of my own reflection. I hate talking cause I cant bare hearing my voice for how disgusting it sounds. I look at other I envy them for not being me. I tell everyone they should be happy with who they are but I silently scream wanting to rip my self apart and leave my body.
Everyone thinks I'm happy as hell expect for one and even he can't convince me anymore. What most people do is just smile so no one ask questions yet secretly pray someone figures it out before it all ends. How ever I'm just at the point were I realise no one can help me no matter how many times I scream, Have a outburst, no matter what I'm unhappy and always will be unhappy. You're thinking 'Why not just end it?'
Believe me I have tried many times.
But well, I can't. I know there are people who love me and others to claim to so why make the people who love me miserable why the ones who claim to happy it makes no sense.
What can I say... I just can't hurt other even when they kill me.
Still, Somehow in all this I want someone to accept this flaw and the many other I have. I want someone who will pick up a shotgun and fight for me no matter what whether they're just a friend or something more I don't care.