This Can't Be Me.

I am weak. I am sensitive. I am human. But I am also a compulsive liar. I don't know when it started. But I want it to stop. I hate who it makes me be. I want to tell the truth but by the time I try to I've already told a lie. I cheated on the best relationship that I've ever had because I'm not used to stability. That's the lamest excuse ever but it's the real one. I'm young, and I've struggled with this hatred for years. I wake up from nightmares where all I was doing was staring at a mirror and crying. I hate myself and I am terrified of myself. The worst part is how alone I am. I don't have anyone to talk to about it. The only person I did have left me. As everyone does. I'm ruining my life and I've tried to get help. But help, doesn't help. I am constantly told that I am too much to handle. Too emotional. Too much of a liar. Too stupid. I'm always either too much or not enough. The only time I'm good enough is when I'm out of the picture. I'm surrounded by people all the time but still, alone. This can't be all that's left of me. This can't be me. I think this every day and every day I see that, yes, this is sadly me. I hate mirrors. Because the person in the mirror she can't be me. I used to be happy. I used to smile. This can't be me. Can it?
Luisi28 Luisi28
18-21, F
1 Response Jan 23, 2013

Dear luisi,
I kinda had the same problem. My life was a lie.
i do really feel what you are going through and i found a bit of a solution:
what i did was, I went to my mom and told the truth. it was that simple,
i told the truth and it felt like 10 kilo/stone (whatever) falls from my shoulders
this is my only advice for now.

(im a boy from holland and im 14 so my english is not very good ;)
(if you want somebody to talk with i'm here for you!)