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I Am Me

it all started in the forth grade. Yea, in that grade your around the age of 9-10 or maybe 11-12. It's a blur so don't quote me on that. Any way, back to topic. This kid liked me and would give me little things like pens, his sisters stuff that she no longer wanted, nice things any forth grader girl would like. I didn't like him and my ******* mom had to say something to his mom which started the wild fire. He hated me after that, calling me names and telling me to go back to my own country. Since I was in a small school, there were little groupies even in the lower grades. I had no friends because if who I am. I hate my looks even though my mom says people would kill for my face. I hate my weight even though everyone tells me I'm skinny, I hate my grades because their so low and because I'm nothing but a dumbass. I started to hear voices in my head. Whenever it was loud in a room, I heard people call or scream my name. I would look around but no one would be there. At random times I feel like people are watching me or things are crawling on my skin. I wanted someone to tell me, it'll be okay. But no, no one did that. Not even my parents. Why am I here? To suffer? To be alone for the rest of my life? People say I'm overreacting and I'm probably just having a moment but no, they don't see the hole in my chest. I have no heart, no soul. I'm dead on the inside, emotionless. There is no joy or happiness in my life. Only pain and suffering, us acting like something I'm not so I don't 'worry' my ***** of a mom. I don't dream, I just see black and wake up feeling like I just fell asleep. The only time I dream, i see a man who wants to tell me something but i wake up and never know who his is or what he wants to say. I hate life since its such a *****, I hate this world because of its stereotypes and creations. i hate god because he made me and decided I would suffer. I hate myself for being so weak and letting everyone win and take advantage of me.
dissapearingstorm dissapearingstorm 13-15, F 1 Response Jan 23, 2013

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i'm sorry for your pain because i know exactly what it feels like