I Don'T Love Me

I hate things about myself.. So many it results in me hating myself completely..

I hate my looks.. I wish i could look different, completely different.. I want to be someone else.. anyone else, I can't stand to look in a mirror because i see a reflection that doesn't like me and It reminds me all the time.. Everytime i look in it i want it to crack..

My curveless body.. I have no curves, no figure.. im short and kinda chubby with no curves..

I see the world differently.. I only see the bad things of the world and i don't know how to see it differently.. I see the hurt and the pain everywhere.. I don't want to see the good things i guess and and that makes me who i am.. that makes my personality which i still hate a lot..

My personality.. I can't be what everyone wants me to be.. I don't make friends very well at all.. and i don't have the skills to be great because i don't know what i have to do to get them.. I don't move along with the things people want me to do so im kinda like and outsider.. something else that makes me hate every thing about myself..

I have depression.. I have depression and was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder.. I don't know how good the diagnosis was but that is what i was told that i have.. So I feel like i lose myself sometimes and i hate when i feel like im not myself..

I hate being alive.. I hate this the most because i feel like such a burden sometimes and i feel like i am caring more for myself then someone else when i give myself something i really want.. I don't spend money at stores because i feel like im spoiling myself and i don't want others to see me that way.. I scared to love my life how i want..

I hate myself because im alive and here and i am so confused with everything and i can't stop it.. i want to be different.. completely different i don't want to be me anymore.. and this is why i hate myself...
HeartAndWings HeartAndWings
18-21, F
1 Response Jan 25, 2013

Well, I think you are awesome. And I like your choice of name and photo :D

Thank you.. :)