I Don'T Know What To Do Anymore.

For the past two years or so, I've been extremely insecure. I dealt with it pretty well, until a couple of months ago. My insecurity is starting to interfere with my life; I'm always afraid of making a fool of myself and being judged.
I started to skip social events held by my school, even though all my friends go; I have always been really quiet in front of people, but now I'm afraid to speak my mind to anyone-even my family; I always blush when people talk to me because they're looking at my face and I'm embarrassed at my appearance; Lately, I've also started to shake if a lot of people are paying attention to me.
I only have one friend, but she has so many more friends and hangs out with them more than she hangs out with me. My family always points this out, too. But it's extremely hard for me to make friends. I just can't bring myself to talk in front of them because I'm afraid I'll make a fool of myself.
I used to be able to deal with all of this pretty well. Occasionally, I'd have hours or even a day or so where I was upset. But now I'm always upset. I'm never truly happy. My insecure thoughts keep running through my mind and I can't stop them. I've thoughts about self-harm and suicide, but I'm too scared to do anything to myself.
I've considered talking to my parents about this, and I even tried several times. But every time I opened my mouth to say it, the words just got stuck in my throat and I get too scared that they'll judge me. I'm only 13 years old and I'm so scared at how I think about everything and how scared I am to participate in life.
I can't talk to people, I have no friends, and I don't want to live but am too afraid to commit suicide. I just don't know what to do anymore.
fakesmilees fakesmilees
5 Responses Jan 26, 2013

If I were asked to write the story of my teen years, our stories would be identical lol. you're not that different, you're not that weird. Tiny things are scary sometimes and to more people than you think! There is no easy way out when it comes to being a misfit but you CAN do it. Dont let falling every once in a while keep you from trying again neither. Go to were kids are and kinda just go for it. You might make an *** out of yourself trying but thats ok. once you break the seal of shyness, it wont affect you nearly as badly. I struggle too, you're not alone :)

thank you so much. :) and i do try really hard to talk to more people and be more outgoing, but it is very difficult. i am trying though, and hopefully, it'll help. :)

maybe you should try writing out what you want to say to your parents and put the note in a spot where your siblings wont find it, you NEED to tell them, being alone in this fight will not help you, i know it sucks and its embarrassing. if you finaly do it, it will one day be a memory and so will your fear of having people in your life. your cute too, that makes things a lot easier lol.

i thought about writing my parents a note about it, but they'll still want to talk to me about it. i just don't want them to waste their money on "help" for me, or even worse, them not believing me and thinking it's not a big deal.

lol, dont make excuses. Be a big girl.You have have to own up to how your different. It takes the power away from a-holes who want to mess with you and makes you realize life isnt so bad. I hid my problems and something bad happened because i did that. I know better, please listen to me. and you know what would help? not blocking your profile, it would be a small step :P friend me if you want, im not on much cause im pretty busy usually but maybe write me. I'd be happy to talk with you about it. only if you want to though :)

1 More Response

You're so young and have much to live for.
talking about it helps a lot though :O
I really hope everything goes well for you, you are a beautiful girl who deserves to have a wonderful life.
Take care ♥

thank you so much. it really means a lot. :')

It could be social phobia or anxiety, a medical (mental) disorder --- talk to a doctor or school counsellor as soon as possible. It is treatable.

you see, i have been trying to talk to my parents about it. but whenever i open my mouth to say it, i freeze. i just can't bring myself to do it because i'm so scared. :/

Can you do some research on the internet or reading? There is a lot of stuff on social anxiety, social phobia and general anxiety...it its extremely common...don't push yourself..just look into it and see what it is and learn about it. You will feel better I think. Then when you are ready you can talk to someone you feel comfortable with. :)

i have done some research when i noticed that i was avoiding a lot of stuff, but i'm afraid that i do actually have it. i'm also afraid that if i tell someone and get tested, they'll find that i don't have it. does that make any sense?

This is really important that you get these emotions under control. I can help, ive gone through everything you said. I know how it feels to be left out and alone. I know how it feels to have to isolate yourself from others because of your low self esteem. But assure yourself that here you can at EP you can pour all of your thoughts on someones shoulder, we've expirenced everything before. And overcome many obstacles in our lives. I would love to help you throughout your struggle with depression.

thank you. it's nice to know that there are people who have been through the same thing. :) and i don't think i could go as far as calling it depression. some days i am happy, but most days i'm not. the happy days are really good though, so i'm doing okay. :)

well depression has many symptoms, facets and levels...you could have a mild depression, or be like me with severe depression...but it is still depression and is still very serious...it can come and go...and those phobias tend to get worse without help....

I feel the same way. I am not thinking of harming myself but I want to run away.

i always think about running away, but then i realize that i would have no place to go. my dream is to move far away when i'm older. move far away and kinda like start a new life, you know?

i have done this every few years, my whole life...first because my parents made me, then because I like it. But the part to remember is that eventually it's just you again, no matter where you are. But on the other hand, there are some places I've been happier, busier, etc. so it's a good idea to try it out when you can :)