Don'T Know What To Do
I feel so lost and confused with the way my life is going. I know what I want in life, but I don't think I have a chance in the world of getting any of it. Every attempt I make at improving myself just seems to go wrong somehow, someway no matter what I do. I want to have a real life with a job that helps me out, and a family that supports me. I want to know what love is and to graduate from college so that for once in my life I can feel smart and not some idiot who seems to be destined to work at a fast food place the rest of my life and to have no friends, and no life at all. I hate who I am and who I seem to be. I hate feeling lost and confused about life and everything else. I hate being in my thirty's and having never experienced love at all. While everyone else around me gets married and has families and I seem to get nothing! I've never even been kissed and that is sad because i think about it more than you can imagine. To make matters worse I am fat and ugly, with adult acne that never goes away. I went to college to be a teacher and was kicked out of the program because I have to much anxiety and couldn't stand in front of the class and teach lessons to them so I failed my internship. They told me to get help but i can't afford it and they told me that I do better at helping others more than teaching them so they transferred me into a Human Service program, but I feel like I can't help anyone until I can help myself, but I don't know how. I don't have insurance or money for it. I am having trouble with my classes because I know I am not as smart as everyone else in the class, so I procrastinate on my homework because I am so scared that I won't do it right or that I will fail the assignment. Help I don't know what to do and where to go. I just want to belong somewhere. I wish I were smarter and understood things better!