Only If They Knew

Very interesting question. "Why can't I just give my life to someone who needs it more than I do?" Whew. I'm trying to think of an answer to this. Why can't you just give your life to someone who needs it more than you do? Hmm....sincere pondering. Doot doot doot doot doo.....It is such a good question it seems to defy an answer. I felt this way once and I won't bore you with why. Suffice it to say I wanted to die but knew I could not and I also knew deep, deep down that it would get better. I just did not want to wait or do any more work on it and I was pissed off and tired of trying so hard for so long. Sick of reading self improvement books (fantasies of book burning), sick of putting my best foot forward, sick of listening, sick of trying, sick of working, sick of people, sick of myself! I read this fascinating book (which is actual garbage but it did give me this somewhat fantastic idea). The idea of a 'walk-in'. Incredibly Wiki has info. on this so called 'new age' concept. Reading it may distract you for a short time from your pain but it could also open up the idea to you that there is a different way to think about your life. Now, giving your life over to some other entity? Not really practical, probably not possible but giving your life over to a new way of thinking is entirely within your grasp. It is the path you are on learning how to navigate life. One tiny clue I can offer you is this. Love is everywhere all the time and in all things including you. Ask to have the vision to see it. It is like the sun shining through the clouds. If you cannot see love, ask to see it. Be willing to see love. Remember to ask. ;O) Also remember we are all on this path and to respect where you find yourself on the path. Hail to the seeker. Hail to you.

I can relate to your story. Sometimes I just hate myself so much but it's like they don't see me hurting. I sometimes wonder how far I could take my depressed stage without anyone realizing how I feel. I always try to make everyone around me happy, I don't want them to ever feel the tiniest bit of what I feel. I just want you to know that I completely understand you and that I've been there, but I'm slowly healing myself. I used to think either I was a really good actress or that everyone around me was oblivious. Turns out that it was me, I kept it all hidden from them, thinking they could see my pain anyways.