I feel so lost and hopeless right now. This last year and a half has been so hard for me. You see, I am a gay man, and I feel so isolated where I live. My adoptive family, the family I felt really was my family, pretty much made me move out of my house because of my orientation. I thought I was gonna be able to do it, but now I am at least 5,000 in debt, I have had to quit my job due to my mental health, I don't make enough money to pay off my tickets, I am broke, and I live in an area where I feel like I cannot find work. I am so depressed. My love life is in the tubes I feel. I don't even know if the "friends with benefits" relationship I am currently in is even going on still. I feel as if this world is so shallow. I feel shallow. I feel empty. Where is my direction in life? I want to go to school so bad right now. I feel stagnant with no where to go. And I feel as if I have no outlet for my feelings, emotions, or thoughts. I have kept so much in the secret of it all is killing me. I feel like a horrible person. Like I cannot get my life together. I want to run away. That is my initial response: to run. I don't know why, but I just get gripped with fear whenever I run into a bad situation. I just want it all to go away. I feel like I want to go away. I feel so alone. Most of my friends have moved away and I am still here. Stuck. Trapped. My best friend sometimes helps, but she is broken too. It is hard for a broken person to help other broken people. I don't even know why I posted on here, I just need SOMEWHERE to rant this out to. I just don't know what to do. I feel like I want to disappear. I also have this inward struggle with my sexuality as well. I had to go to 6 months of anti-gay therapy when my parents found out I was gay, and I don't know if it was that, but it causes me to question myself a lot. I felt like when I was in the closet life was at least ok. I was depressed and sad, yes, but not the way I feel now. Why did I have to be this way? Why can't I get my life together? I just don't know where to go.