I Hate Myself

It's not supposed to be like this, I was supposed to be someone, something. I am no one, I am a loser, I hate myself! I HATE myself for everything I have done and have not done. What is wrong with me what happened, I feel so worthless and helpless. I have ruined my life and the lives of the very few people I have in my life. I feel so much pain, I would do anything to take away the pain...I just cant fight and be strong anymore, I just want to be done. it would hurt a few people but it is nothing compared to the pain I would cause if I continue. I just want to be done. iF the medication helps me not hate myself, it's just making me live a lie. I cant even say I need help, because I am not sure I even want it. If I go to sleep and dont wake up who cares, it wont hurt, I am sick of hurting. How am I supposed to help my children if I can't help myself and keep my own **** together. Im 34 living in someones ******* basement, thats pathetic. I lost what little respect I had left for myself when I went back to work for Sue.

I have no passion, no goals, nothing to look forward to, I am just a shell, I am so empty what the **** is wrong with me, what happened.
crmt78 crmt78
31-35, F
3 Responses Feb 7, 2013

Go for religions. Try Islam. I really found peace from there.

I would care. I know, sounds stereotypical right? But I would. I don't know your children, I don't know your relationship, but they would care. As someone who has a bad relationship with one parent and a good one with the other I can honestly say I would care if something happened to either of them. I'm not going to tell you its okay, sometimes, hell most of the time its just ******* not. But the thing is, the only way that this is going to change is if you bring yourself to do something about it. I hate myself, and my life, but my effort is here, talking to you, because this is what I need to do to like myself, and hopefully, this is what you need to hear. Quit that job you hate, move somewhere new, just drive around for a couple of hours with no destination in mind. Do what YOU need to do for YOU.

I CARE. I don't so much as know your name, just four letters and two numbers but I want to help if you decide you want it, and I'll be here if you don't.